11.5 Weeks

I dont want to say the first trimester has been a blur.... but... i can't lie. It kinda has.

I get sick fairly often. If it's not hugging the toilet then it's sitting in my chest and I'm fighting it to stay down.  Sorry for the details but that is how I feel like 24/7.

When I could not keep water down anymore I got my hands on zolfran the med that is amazing!!!
It like instantly cures your sickness!

When you're sick- you dont take down water or food and well we need to hydrate especially in this summer heat.

Chicago has been god awful this year for weather. According to the news it has been the worst summer in 5 years. I've never so badly ever wanted fall here so fast!  I CANNOT WAIT!

Chili, Pumpkins goods, Cornbread, Soup!  YUM YUM!

I'd say my main craving at this time is Broccoli Cheddar Soup. I hit up Panera A LOT!
Sometimes I add in a salad with it. But Soup has been amazing for me! Yes that's right HOT soup in July!!!

So we've seen the babies a couple times now.  This past week was great- they were sitting breech and putting on a show for us! Baby B was a lot more active than Baby A- so naturally Baby B takes after me right?!?! hehe!

Their heartrates are at 156 & 160 and they're size was 11w2d and 11w3d. Which was a couple days ahead- no complaints there! Bigger is better :)

I've been told I'll delivery early- I'll be interested to see if that happens. I was also told my delivering/labor options.  My gut says I'll end up with a C but perhaps natural will happen. Depends on how they are faced!

It's cool- everything has been great news!  We finally told everyone and with social media being the way to get news- sooner than your own channel 5- Facebook Official and the word is out!

I'm grateful to have a stay at home job- although I've struggled the past couple weeks because of my exhaustion and sickness. It's nice to have that luxury so I can work when I need to and when I dont need to.

I'm not sure what my plan is once they arrive. It'll be a busy time is all I know. I dont want to pressure myself to get work done, but I also have goals I'd like to meet!  I'm sure I'll find a balance with time. Thank God I can work from my cell phone :)

Our house looks to be selling now- looks like we have a couple more weeks until we have to move. Our next house isn't ready yet- so we are looking at moving downtown with MK for a little while until our house is ready.  I believe in November.  I'd just like to be settled before they arrive!! It could be super early or later on...  of course I've heard a million stories- 28wks, 30 wks, 34 wks, 36 wks, 38 wks.... that basically puts me on Dec 2012- Jan or Feb 2013!

I'm just taking it one day at a time and praying for the best- 2 healthy-safely delivered babies on the right date!

I'll leave you with some pictures from the last ultrasound!

Updates

As I had said in my last post I was scheduled to be in Las Vegas for business and had to cancel the trip.

The bittersweet part to that is the reason I had to- was because- FINALLY! Baby is on the way!

I had taken a pregnancy test Monday the week of my bloodwork results. I was due for blood-HCG-preg test on Thursday, but knowing that I was not to go to Vegas if it did come back positive I decided to take a home test. It came up positive...and I was like hmmm could this be the HCG shot I had?

You see HCG is what those home tests are looking for. It's also the shot you take to help ovulation take place.  So if you take a pregnancy test too early- you can end up with a false positive.

I was super skeptical obviously. But I had one more test from my 3 pack, so I decided to wait until Wednesday to take it.  Wednesday morning I got up and sure enough it read 'PREGNANT'

Now I was 15 days out from my HCG shot, so I was really starting to get confident. I was due in Vegas in 1 week. I didn't even bother to continue to plan. I figured this was going to be it but it was worth asking if I could travel.

Usually you can in the first couple weeks but not if you're going through treatments.

Thursday came, I went into the doctor's office and gave my blood about 9:00AM

I had a good 6 hours until I would hear back.

Talk about driving a girl crazy!  Now I work from home so I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I tried to get some work done that day. It wasn't going well.  My mind kept racing.

I left to the store, all crazy, trying to figure out how we would tell our parents if this was positive news.

It was Father's Day weekend coming up and as much as we wanted to save our news for that day, it didn't go over well. I had calls coming in with questions about how the appt went.

I continued to avoid them throughout the day, but I knew I could not all weekend.

I decided going out and about would help me. I started at the puppy store. I hate puppy stores because they are like puppy mills, but I needed a major distraction. I found the cutest little puggle, 3 lbs I swear! I was tempted to get him/her. I was sending pictures to Hal through my phone and he was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!!!??!  Finally I left with nothing in my hand!

I strolled through Hobby Lobby looking for something to stand out to give them with the news. But nothing stood out. A bunch of pink and blue items were there and I thought well can't do this because it's way too early if it is at all.

I think i did like 20 circles in the store. I finally came across 2 cards left that said 'It's a MIRACLE!' with some baby feet and inside it said congrats on being grandparents!  I thought okay this is easy and simple I can work with this.  I grabbed the 2 cards and left.

I think I might have stopped for ice cream on the way home.

3:30-4PM FINALLY came, and sure enough the nurse called and said- You're home tests were correct- your HCG is 318 & Progesterone is 37.4! CONGRATS!   Take some extra folic acid just in case.

In case what?  In case there are more than 1. We don't know yet, could be one healthy baby... or more.

HA!!!  So finally the good news, finally!!! Now for the big wait!  The best news was that you are considered 4 wks at that point so I was like oh thank god 8 more weeks till we're in the 'safe zone'

Now to tell our parents.

Mental Exhaustion

Okay so this is mentally exhausting... have I told you guys this yet?!

I mean straight up MENTAL EXHAUSTION!

One minute I'm in dream world thinking of this family I will have...the next I am reminded of this disease and how I may never have a family.

The truth is all I can do is continue to fight everyday to get there.

Lots of mental exhaustion, tears... and there are happy moments while going through this journey.

I read the article about the young girl who drove off with her baby on top of her car because she 'forgot' and I truly just shake my head at how this world operates.

Its such a shame that so many people want to have a family and would be amazing parents, and yet idiots are super fertile.  Truly blows my mind.

I try to think that God does have a plan and that plan is slowly coming together.

I have no control that is for sure. I just follow the doctors orders... and most of you know a lot of those orders are currently against all the things I love to do.... fitness, travel, my body that was getting in shape, living on my own schedule....

With infertility you live on the schedule of your body & your doctor's office.

You have to go in probably 2-4X a week for monitoring, then wait for the phone call in the afternoon to update you on how much medicine you need...yep this means you even go in on Sundays, Holidays...etc

The medicine blows you up, like puffy, bloat, serious-fast weight gain. Not a thing you can do about it. It just happens..part of this process. I know I've said this before- but seriously this is like something I work SUPER HARD at as it is. Fighting to keep weight off...

No Exercise except walking/limited swimming... do you know how hard I worked to build muscle?! The cardio endurance I have?!?! I will likely have to re-do it all, re-build, re-lose the weight.

This is A LOT of mental exhaustion... to know your body is going backwards from where you worked so hard to get it... your schedule is all out of whack, you never ever know if you can do anything because of doc appointments, monitoring, meds etc etc  The timing is crucial, so everything goes on hold.

I travel a lot for my job... happily travel to events. I'm lucky I got to the Bahamas. I'm suppose to be in in Las Vegas on the 20th... currently I cannot go. I'm waiting to see if I might be able to go... but again... any NORMAL person who can easily have a family- this wouldn't be an issue whatsoever....they'd just get on the plane and go. But when you're dealing with infertility and this kind of medicine it's not safe to travel.

Last night I large pain struck my left side that keeps twingeing and pinching...and of course it's messing with my head like...what the!??! I am at risk for ovarian twisting &/or ruptures so I am EXTREMELY cautious about everything. But something struck bad last night, it was painful... but I tolerated enough that I knew it can't be anything too harmful. I believe a lot of this pain comes naturally with this medicine and the procedures. I understand that if I were to rupture/twist an ovary I'd be in so much pain, I'd be vomiting. But still.... alllllllll these risks!!! All this & if I make a wrong move, or fall etc  Out could go an ovary :(    Ridiculous isn't it?

And to top it all off, nothing is guaranteed.... no baby is guaranteed out of this. Talk about mental exhaustion.

God only knows if a baby will come, or 2 or 3... and God only knows when.  All I can do is try hard to keep my patience, trust, hope going strong.

Did I mention the pain you go through with these meds? Not fun... there is a lot of discomfort, therefore, wearing jeans is OUT right now. I try to stay as comfy as I can. My stomach is all puffy as it is, so dresses that flow are pretty much what I want to wear or hide in PJ's at home.

Most of my friends and family have children now... it's a very isolating situation to be in. It's hard to attend events, and I realize I can suck it up and deal... but it's hard. I'd rather just not be there, than be there in the corner crying...or fighting so hard to hold back my tears.  I've sucked it up at a couple events...and finally decided for me mentally it's best I just stay away.
To those friends who read this, hopefully you understand and I apologize if this seems selfish.  I know everyone has a lot of hope and faith for me that this WILL happen. It's easy to be an outsider and feel that strong. Lord knows I feel that way about my business and my team's growth- I tell them everyday they will grow and their business will flourish- IT WILL HAPPEN- as long as they take action on the job.

That's all I can do, is take action, continue to take meds, continue to trust, hope and have faith that I can bring a couple healthy babies into this world.  But god really only knows if that will ever happen and it is truly mentally exhausting.

I pray no one has to go through this journey.

Doctor Checks

I decided over the weekend I wanted to look into the credentials of the doctors I'm using :)

I never thought about where they've studied or their success stories so I figured I'd definitely look into this.

Here's what I found out:

1. Dr Roth- Loyola University & Rush University out of Chicago- BIG schools- GREAT educations!
2. Dr Levin- Pittsburgh, Northwestern, & UCLA!   More BIG schools & educations!

They both rated 4-4.5 out of 5!   Not to shabby!

Guess I have landed in the correct place for a reason.

I also found out today that my insurance covers what I'm going through 100%.  Talk about a blessing.

I am 1 round away from IVF, since switching doctors- Dr. Levin decided to try the injection/IUI round since it worked for him. He has twins. So does Dr. Roth. funny how I'm dealing with 2 docs who both have twins. hmmmmm

Anyway- please make sure you have GREAT health insurance. It's CRUCIAL for this kind of a situation.  I still can't get over the fact that it's 100% covered. Never have I experienced that!

So- I'm still doing shots until further notice.   Double dosed.

I find I'm super hot these days... I'm guessing the out of control hormones.

I work in the fitness business & naturally I should be fit & in shape but of course the injections cause you to bloat, be puffy, and gain weight. Sooo that is quite the fight. I have to remember this is temporary and a good thing to bring together a family. Then I can do all the fitness I want after :)

I do look forward to that day when I'm super fit & a mom of 2-3 !!! It'll be one awesome day!

I'm glad that I already have my own business in health & fitness that allows me to be able to stay home with my babies when they finally get here!

Want more info on working from home?  email me at lyndsiweise@comcast.net OR check out my website- www.lyndsiweisefitness.com   You can also find me on Facebook- www.facebook.com/lyndsi.weise

Keeping up with Injections

I missed a couple days on my updates for the injection meds so let me catch you up.


Basically with injections it goes MUCH longer than Clomid or Letrozole/Femara. You pretty much inject the meds until you get to the point to trigger ovulation. 


So today is day 7 of the injections. I went to the doc yesterday morning to check out my follicle growth... there are 3 growing on my ride side- one of which is leading big time in size. this is a benefit. Now of course if all 3 got fertilized then that means triplets who do not look alike. CRAZY to think about.  Unlikely though :)  


The doc checked my blood and called me with updates in the afternoon on dosage.


If you get these injections you will get an update every day in the afternoon of your blood level- which I'm not even going to try to explain. I don't want to confuse you.


So anyway- the doc called me to update and told me to double my dosage. I'm like good lord body can you just respond!!


I then went back to the doc today for more monitoring. You see when you're in this position you do what your body does. We run the process based on my body, not mind.


I am continuing on my double dosages for now. Back to the doc Tuesday.


The injections will make your stomach PUFF out- okay so I look FAT. haha. How else do I say it?  I'm VERY bloated and prego looking if you will. It sucks. You can feel the twinges of your ovaries growing. You can't cross your legs, you can't sit indian style, you can't bend, no lifting, no exercise except for walking or limited swimming (thank god it's summertime). 


We went to a wedding this weekend and I could not dance at the wedding, and if you know me. You know I LOVE to dance. So that was difficult to not get up and start bouncing around. 


I can't be cold/shivering. Not that one would want to be cold & shivering but it's bad for what I'm dealing with.  


I am super bummed on the fitness end because I have worked SOOOOO hard to get in shape and this is moving backwards for me.... now I have to keep reminding myself that THIS IS TEMPORARY! I will get the best gift in the world this way and I can workout all I want after :) It's a hard pill to swallow when you have worked so hard to lose weight and get in shape. 


I think overall its not so bad if you can deal with sticking yourself with needles daily. they are not too painful. Just annoying is all. 


Worst part of my weekend is that another freshly pregnant lady asked me if I was in the same boat as her... or assumed and it was like  'well no... trying..hard to explain...'


That was hard. Just because I don't have the happy news...and I still basically have to act as if I truly am pregnant- no drinking- no exercise etc etc   And naturally that sucks when we know there is NO baby YET!


BUT I truly believe there will be great news SOON!!!


xoxo

Day 2 injections

Day 2 of my injections....

Bailey decided to jump on me today- he is my Puggle about 2 years old and 25lbs of pure muscle. When he jumps & lands it ain't pretty!  The doctors want me to set up gates so he wont jump for the next couple weeks. I guess injections are going to make my ovaries nice and large...exciting right? ha!

So the bloating is slowly beginning. I seem to be overly hungry on these and my body temp is crazy. I'm cold then warm then cold. I feel like my stomach is sticking far out which sucks.

I'm trying to stay positive and focus on making sure I dont bend over, or bounce around the house, or over exert myself.  Seriously I can't even WORKOUT. All I do is walk. It's so not lyndsi. I'm soooo not myself with this. BUT I am trying to remain normal and stay positive as best I can.

Preparing for a long busy weekend coming up is kind of a struggle but I think it will be okay. I wish I could just be normal Lyndsi again. Not have to worry about plans and just going with the flow for the weekend but that's not how things roll for me right now. I have to plan out my meds, they have to refridgerated as well as taken on time. It's a lot of clean/prep work to add the new needle, clean it up, dial up then poke and clean up after that.

I do miss being normal and having a normal life. I pray no one has to deal with infertility. It's an absolute nightmare.

I also want to encourage those who ARE going through this to SPEAK UP with your doctors!!! They will listen if you SPEAK UP! Because I spoke up my doctors have been very aggressive moving forward for me.  If you dont speak up you're only going to move slow and waiting is truly the hardest part (thank you tom petty)

Today while injecting I noticed another needle in my kit and GOOD GOD is it HUGE. I am NOT looking forward to THAT!

I'll show you a picture here of this lovely needle.

I'm going to take a wild guess that its used for the HCG trigger shot later.

wish me luck as the process continues! I will keep you posted. Night Night!

Injections Begin

Hey Everyone!

Like I wrote in the last post.... I thought my cycle had started 2 weeks ago when in reality it did NOT! It started a week ago which my complaining in my previous post about switching doctors and losing out on 1 cycle really was God holding it off so I could get situated since I need to use injection medicine & IVF!

So that is very exciting. On a negative note though I may forfeit a couple amazing business trips because of timing BUT this is family we are talking about :)

The doctor ordered me my first set of injections- they come to you in the mail in a cooler. You have to keep them cold in the fridge!

Today was my first injection.  I went to get monitored and the doctor found 15 follicles on one ovary and 8 on the other. Do you know how many babies that is?!?! Dont you just love this disease?!??!

GOOD LORD!   The biggest risk is that multiples are an option. I'm okay with that at this point.

I learned how to use the 'pen'. We add the medicine to it, as well as a fresh new needle each time. I then stuck it into my FAT! ha!! and pushed the button and in went the medicine. There was a small burning feeling after which I assume means it worked. I forgot to clean that area after. OOPS.

Tomorrow is shot #2. I am getting comfortable already!

I go back to the hospital on Thursday to be monitored and see how the follicles are coming along.

The hope is that only 1-4 grow and not all of them. Otherwise they will cancel this cycle.

I have to say I do miss my primary doc. He's great and so laid back. These guys are a big more uptight, super friendly but not near as laid back as Dr. Roth and his staff. So I pray I get success soon so I can be released back to him!

The benefit is that I did not pay 1 cent for my medicine and so far am not paying much for my appointments either. Which is KEY to helping with infertility. It gets SUPER expensive.

The negative is that I ALWAYS have to go to the hospital. Parking there SUCKS. I get super frustrated with it. Then I get lost in the hospital as I'm still learning my way. This is the hospital I will one day give birth in, so I guess it's fair that I learn now. Might as well right!?  Here is to hoping this round works!

I will keep you posted as we move forward. Keep me in your prayers that these follicles calm themselves and I dont grow too many so we can continue!

xoxo good night

Etiquette- Do's & Don'ts & a look inside PCOS emotions

Here is some thoughts to read on if you THINK you understand Infertility but YOU DONT suffer from it!

Infertility Etiquette

Read and DO!

And please next time you judge that fat girl laced with acne on her face, hair falling out, and if you get close enough to see facial hair WATCH yourself- Those are ALL part of this NASTY disease that THEY CANNOT HELP!!!   It's all in the hormone mix!

do you want to understand what a girl with PCOS deals with?! Do you want to see how painful it is?

Watch this.....  copy & paste the link!

http://youtu.be/rM4nIYvZ7sU

This is exactly what its like.... a roller coaster that we can only one day hope ends happy & soon!


That's all for today!

IVF Broken Down

Lets talk about how IVF works, prices, process, percentages etc etc You get where I'm going with this!

This link pretty much sums it all up! Click to read if you choose IVF DETAILS!

A couple pieces that stand out to me... 

30-35% chance!

Big Risk is MULTIPLES!!!!

10lb weight gain in 3-5 days- REALLY?! Give me a break!

Sedation at the Egg Retrieval??? yikes!  Seems I'll be in the hospital or doc's office for most of the day when that happens. I better make sure my phone is charged!!!  Potential Bed Rest?! THIS GIRL!?!? Do they know I live and breathe fitness?!?!?!!!

Injections can be 1-4 a day for up to 10 days!!!!

More monitoring with IVF/Injections..basically I have to go to doc every day/other day depending. 

OOOH exciting!  My home away from home

Embryo's can be frozen for future babies....  Dear Lord I'll take 2 healthy twins or triplets- 1 and done!

I read there is a 25% chance for twins, 15% for triplets but higher for 1!

Miscarriage occurs 15% of the time- not cool.

Progesterone supps may come alone... hmmm hopefully they are the KEY!

PRICE!!!!  Highest is $15K lowest is $7500!  Insurance DOES cover THANK GOD!!!
Payment plans are available, I want to say coverage is usually 50-80% and these totals do include EVERYTHING.  Now $7500 is likely JUST the IVF section, not the daily ultrasound monitoring, bloodwork, injection meds, HCG shot, progesterone ETC!

good lawd! 

This is me being optimistic!  It's worth it right!!!! 

Okay so fill me in on your thoughts about IVF, experiences, and wish me luck.  It's coming up SOON!

Happy Infertility Awareness Week... I think...

Exciting News Gives Hope!

Well I thought I'd be writing about this TOMORROW but since they decided to release their news early I am SO excited to write that Giuliana and Bill Rancic are having a baby!!!!!

I have been watching these guys for YEARS!!! I have prayed for them like crazy!!!! I know exactly what they are going through- but not ALL of it-cancer was quite the curveball she was thrown. Scary stuff!!!

I am soooo happy to hear their good news that the are FINALLY having a baby!!!! They are having one through a gestational carrier, because Giuliana is unable to hold a baby, take on the fertility medicine with having just gotten rid of cancer.

Check out People.com, or twitter for all the deets- the video of when they got the news!!!!  They have a little one due here in late summer.

So lets see... this leaves me still left but this also gives me hope... since IVF is up next and if that fails, I guess I do have another option :)  Crazy as it may be... we shall see what the future holds for us.

It also happens to be infertility awareness week- crazy timing right?!?! I read this article today:

http://fitbottomedmamas.com/2012/04/lets-talk-about-the-hard-stuff-national-infertility-awareness-week/

Still can't believe I'm on of these people. I wake up somedays thinking... it's a joke right?! This isn't really happening right?!?!

But here's the thing... if you know me- I am a PROACTIVE-GO GETTER!!! I dont own my own successful business for NOTHING!!! I WORK HARD, I walk through FIRES like none other. I've walked through MANY so far. The curveballs I've been thrown have been unreal, but I've also been blessed with a pretty awesome life if I must say so :)  Can't complain!!! Just wanna have some littles to join this world and complete it!!!  That being said- I think we ALL know I will likely walk through whatever FIRE i have to to get them here...  Is Hal reading this?! ha!!! He wants some littles too- so I'm gonna speak for him and say he's on board with me!

We will get there... we may have to fight and walk through a lot of fire. But we will not let this disease own us. I wont anyway...  I'm going to have negative days... it is what it is- rollercoaster- no getting around that.  So I will have my days- but I likely wont stop- I wont stop till I'm dead. I'm pretty sure of it.

I hope Hal is ready :)  He's worked hard all his life and now he's experiencing a crazy journey in life with the cards we've been handed.   Makes you appreciate your kids A WHOLE LOT MORE!

Those of you who have them- take care of them, don't abuse them, don't take advantage of them, they are a blessing and deserve the best.  Dont EVER look at them like they invaded your time, your life etc  I have had to work SO hard to get some, and still dont have any. Know how blessed you are to be naturally given one, two, three or however many you have.

That is all for today.