14 weeks!

Happy 14weeks!

Well to me and the twins anyway :)

I'm officially in 2nd trimester! WOOT WOOT!

I'm feeling a bit better. Still got medicine in case I get sick. Still taking naps.

The bump has set in too! It's not too big, but it's enough for me to not fit in other clothes anymore.

Currently I'm working with 4 dresses. Perhaps I need to shop?

I got a little doppler to hear their heartbeats when I want. Little did I know they are SOOOO deep and hard to get to!  I've heard one here and there. I think they move around too much. I think I can hear it maybe 10 seconds and then off they go.

I'm starting to have a little tailbone pain when I sit too long... perhaps where the are at right now is affecting my tailbone? I'm not sure yet.

But I'll be into the doc on Monday for a check up to see whats going on with them.

No ultrasound- that's coming up in a couple weeks! We get to see what they are :)

Yep, that's right- we plan to find out!

I managed to start registration. I got the cribs, and dressers picked out. The Carseats and Stroller (S)

YAH I need 2!  The 1st couple months I'll need a frame piece to help me with carrying 2 car seats so the Double Snap N Go has to go on the list! However I am trying to do some consignment shopping for it, so I can get it used.  I seriously will be done with it within 2-4 months!

After Strollers, CarSeats, and Cribs I needed a nap.  I'll go back to work on more later. Niki is going to help me figure a lot out. THANK GOD! Buy Buy Baby is one overwhelming place!

We're heading out to Arizona next week for a week! Should be nice. I'm looking forward to the change of pace. The 1st trimester was very groundhog day style for me.  Wake up, sick, tired, fight the sick, not wanna eat, but eat, eating crap because healthy food makes me gag, so did the crap though!!! Then going back to sleep. AHHHH the joys of the 1st trimester!  Seriously though, I started to feel guilty because I want to have the littles here so bad and this is part of the process!

Now I'm embracing 2nd trimester, starting to enjoy everything, getting excited for the upcoming months!  I love Fall, and the holidays are always great!!!

We're expected to be moved into our new home by November!  Thank God because I imagine with twins I might start nesting early on!!  Lord knows they're going to arrive early on!

Here's a picture of me- 14 wks right before I got my hair done! AHHH to be human again! Fresh Color, Fresh Cut! I feel MUCH better!!!

More updates to come on the Weise Twins growth soon!

Putting Priorities First

This week I'm suppose to be heading to Las Vegas. Tomorrow morning in fact, and sadly I've been grounded from travel until further notice.

I think I've mentioned that when you're going through treatments that include injection medicine you have to be SO CAREFUL with your body. You can't travel, exercise, bend, lift, etc

So as a team leader in my business I definitely feel terrible to stay behind and leave my team in Vegas without me. There are other leaders above me who will be great support to them, but it wont be the same. I had plans to take them to a team dinner, and lots of pictures.  Not happening this year.

The good news is, our annual event is EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!! So 365 days from now I'll be back and with my team!

I do have a rank advancing/promotion coming up so I will be heading to Laguna Beach on Beachbody's dime again :)   Our leadership conference is being held in Dana Point so I'm looking forward to that. It's in September!

I should be off travel restriction soon I hope. They monitor your ovaries, making sure they enlarge like they are suppose to & then go back down.

When they are enlarged you can twist or rupture them and that is what you don't want. That is why you treat yourself with tender care while on injections- if you get this far.

Injections also come with an added 10-20lbs- no joke.  So on the plus side this added weight that I can't exercise off just yet will not be seen in the photos this week in Vegas :)

All in all as bummed as I am to miss the 1X a year event, I realize my priority which is not work. Beachbody is my job. I chose to become a fitness coach and help others get healthy. I have a great success story having lost 70lbs, 15% bodyfat, and over 10 jeans sizes. I want nothing more than to help others do the same. I want to be with my team, and spoil them for all their hard work.  But for now that has to wait.

My priority is family. Bottom line. I have to fight much harder to have babies than the majority of the world does. Therefor I have to sacrifice a lot, which includes another very high priority which is Beachbody & my business. And each cycle you dont know if you'll get a positive results or a negative one. So yeah, it makes you want to just travel. Get your mind off things, look at what else you love most and for me that is my business. And OF COURSE.. I love to travel. Who doesn't?  I'd LOVE to be in Vegas again with everyone.  There are many team members of mine I have not met yet, whom I'd love to be there and finally meet. The good news is- there is next year!  There is leadership in Laguna later this year and there is DisneyWorld coming up in March!  Lots of added travel coming up :)

Hopefully all goes well and my priorities start to line up, and a family is headed my way.

If you are on these kinds of meds, be so very careful with your body. It's super gentle right now.

Mental Exhaustion

Okay so this is mentally exhausting... have I told you guys this yet?!

I mean straight up MENTAL EXHAUSTION!

One minute I'm in dream world thinking of this family I will have...the next I am reminded of this disease and how I may never have a family.

The truth is all I can do is continue to fight everyday to get there.

Lots of mental exhaustion, tears... and there are happy moments while going through this journey.

I read the article about the young girl who drove off with her baby on top of her car because she 'forgot' and I truly just shake my head at how this world operates.

Its such a shame that so many people want to have a family and would be amazing parents, and yet idiots are super fertile.  Truly blows my mind.

I try to think that God does have a plan and that plan is slowly coming together.

I have no control that is for sure. I just follow the doctors orders... and most of you know a lot of those orders are currently against all the things I love to do.... fitness, travel, my body that was getting in shape, living on my own schedule....

With infertility you live on the schedule of your body & your doctor's office.

You have to go in probably 2-4X a week for monitoring, then wait for the phone call in the afternoon to update you on how much medicine you need...yep this means you even go in on Sundays, Holidays...etc

The medicine blows you up, like puffy, bloat, serious-fast weight gain. Not a thing you can do about it. It just happens..part of this process. I know I've said this before- but seriously this is like something I work SUPER HARD at as it is. Fighting to keep weight off...

No Exercise except walking/limited swimming... do you know how hard I worked to build muscle?! The cardio endurance I have?!?! I will likely have to re-do it all, re-build, re-lose the weight.

This is A LOT of mental exhaustion... to know your body is going backwards from where you worked so hard to get it... your schedule is all out of whack, you never ever know if you can do anything because of doc appointments, monitoring, meds etc etc  The timing is crucial, so everything goes on hold.

I travel a lot for my job... happily travel to events. I'm lucky I got to the Bahamas. I'm suppose to be in in Las Vegas on the 20th... currently I cannot go. I'm waiting to see if I might be able to go... but again... any NORMAL person who can easily have a family- this wouldn't be an issue whatsoever....they'd just get on the plane and go. But when you're dealing with infertility and this kind of medicine it's not safe to travel.

Last night I large pain struck my left side that keeps twingeing and pinching...and of course it's messing with my head like...what the!??! I am at risk for ovarian twisting &/or ruptures so I am EXTREMELY cautious about everything. But something struck bad last night, it was painful... but I tolerated enough that I knew it can't be anything too harmful. I believe a lot of this pain comes naturally with this medicine and the procedures. I understand that if I were to rupture/twist an ovary I'd be in so much pain, I'd be vomiting. But still.... alllllllll these risks!!! All this & if I make a wrong move, or fall etc  Out could go an ovary :(    Ridiculous isn't it?

And to top it all off, nothing is guaranteed.... no baby is guaranteed out of this. Talk about mental exhaustion.

God only knows if a baby will come, or 2 or 3... and God only knows when.  All I can do is try hard to keep my patience, trust, hope going strong.

Did I mention the pain you go through with these meds? Not fun... there is a lot of discomfort, therefore, wearing jeans is OUT right now. I try to stay as comfy as I can. My stomach is all puffy as it is, so dresses that flow are pretty much what I want to wear or hide in PJ's at home.

Most of my friends and family have children now... it's a very isolating situation to be in. It's hard to attend events, and I realize I can suck it up and deal... but it's hard. I'd rather just not be there, than be there in the corner crying...or fighting so hard to hold back my tears.  I've sucked it up at a couple events...and finally decided for me mentally it's best I just stay away.
To those friends who read this, hopefully you understand and I apologize if this seems selfish.  I know everyone has a lot of hope and faith for me that this WILL happen. It's easy to be an outsider and feel that strong. Lord knows I feel that way about my business and my team's growth- I tell them everyday they will grow and their business will flourish- IT WILL HAPPEN- as long as they take action on the job.

That's all I can do, is take action, continue to take meds, continue to trust, hope and have faith that I can bring a couple healthy babies into this world.  But god really only knows if that will ever happen and it is truly mentally exhausting.

I pray no one has to go through this journey.

Injection Warnings

If Injections are meant for you.... here's my warnings:

1. Be prepared to get fat fast!!!  Holy big stomach!!! I can't even believe how puffy I am. These meds can cause weight gain in a short week! There is nothing you can do about it, but deal.
Try being in the fitness business- not allowed to exercise, and puffing out like crazy!
The thing we do for a family!

2. No Exercise! I dont know about you guys but exercise is what helps me mentally and physically. This is a KILLER for me. I'm just walking and eventually going to swim.

3. No bending- No leg crossing- no jumping- no bouncing

basically if you have ANY doubt... DONT DO IT!

My little puggle loves to play and he's quite the jumper and I really cannot play with him right now. The poor guy doesn't understand what is going on. He's used to being able to rough-house with me and now he can't. I'm completely paranoid when sleeping because I dont want him to come jump on me and damage my ovaries.

I think the worst is just remembering everything and when the twinges start you freak out- did I hurt something?! It's crazy. Seriously.

What's happening is everything is enlarged as part of the process- does this happen with normal reproductive people?!?!?! hmmmm it does make sense for the 'bloated' time of the month on the ladies...

anyway

I can't travel right now.  All these crazy restrictions- you might as well just sleep. It's kinda depressing.

Oh and the hormones that have been added.... you're constantly starving...and craving of course all the wrong stuff. I'd say you're moody, headaches, tired... a lot of weird feelings going on.

hopefully sooner than later this will pay off and be all worth it!

I look forward to having a family and having my fitness life back :)

Injection hormones out of whack!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to just warn those of you who have to take injections... holy mother do they make you eat and your mind spin.

I'm never FULL EVER which is INSANE! I am trying to mentally wrap my mind around eating my 5 small meals that I'm used to everyday. I took myself to the store to buy extremely healthy whole foods and am working to get rid of all the crap that was in my house this weekend!!! I usually dont keep much junk but this weekend was different as we had visitors in town, and I usually get laid back with company and eat whatever is around.

But the injections had my head spinning. You get super tired, forgetful, you cry at nothing, and EAT! GRRRRRRRR just what I want right?!?!

I am STOKED for when I can get back to fitness and shrink down. I'm super puffy/ swollen etc right now. I feel like a pregnant girl. Hopefully this will be a dream come true soon!

Injections are a whole new world of medicine but they get the job done!

I woke up super depressed, having had a nightmare that Hal hated me. Just what I need while going through this journey right?! I did get up nice and early but wanted to stay in bed and hide from everything. I could feel the depression cloud smothering me, but I am slightly aware that I am pumped with a TON of medicine right now and that it's going to pay off soon :) It's hard on this end FOR SURE.

I mean... here you are... no baby... no guarantee of a baby...and you are going through A LOT to 'try' for that baby... but nothing is guaranteed. And if you get that baby...then you have to see about getting through the SAFE ZONE! Which means no miscarriage. This is nothing but SUPER STRESSFUL. Your faith has to be SO STRONG that the plan is laid out and that a family IS part of it, regardless of how you wanted that plan to go. Because I sure wanted 1 baby at the least on the way by the time I turned 30 and here I am 6 months away from 31 with no baby in sight.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just meant for multiples? Perhaps. One and done? Sure! Boy & Girl? bring it on! Triplets is not success in the world of the infertility docs. So twins will do. But one is good as well.

I was an only child half of my life and HATED it. I wanted badly to not be the only one and eventually I collected some siblings along the way. I do have older siblings as well, I just did not grow up with them. So I want my children to have siblings...2 total at the least 3 at max. Unless God has another plan and I wind up with 4-5 !!! I bet Hal would be just STOKED haha!!!  But in all honestly- this is not how I expected life to play out. I've gotten pregnant before on my own just fine, so this has throw the biggest curveball ever at me.

I know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.. but ummm I've fought a lot of obstacles in life and I'm ready to just rest and enjoy for a while...so this battle has thrown me so far off it's not even funny. In fact it's straight up sad. I do try my best to stay focused and stay positive. But these injections..whew!!!! Talk about a hormone hot mess I am right now. I'm probably best inside my house away from anyone else.

Now that I have healthy eats in the house I should be back under control here shortly with nutrition.

Mentally I like to exercise to keep sane... well all I can do right now is swim or walk. I'm waiting on whether we are moving or not here shortly to determine which pool I want to be connected to.

We found a house we love, it's very small though so there is a lot of concern there. I can't imagine having a family in this house, but we do love it. We shall see if it's what is meant to be.

If that is the case though- I will wait to get my pool pass from the Lombard pool rather than the Orland park pool.  Then I'll start swimming. I wonder if I can get my iPOD under water and still listen to it!??!?! Music helps me a TON!

What do you think tri-level home w/ finished basement-decent sized bedrooms and SMALL kitchen? OR one level home with big kitchen, big living room, decent bedrooms, and no basement? Both have 3 bedrooms... both have big back yards...

I'm trying to visualize a playroom, my office... etc  in the smaller house.... thoughts?! suggestions?! opinions?!

Big house is in the town we want to live in but on the wrong side of town, and little house is in a different town- close but not our town of choice. Of course little house is cheaper & very open... huge kitchen...  hmm decisions decisions

I also have a FULL workout room- weights, treadmill, elliptical, bars, bands etc etc Could I stash all of that plus playroom toys in a big living room with no other place to put it?!?!

Anyway- that's about it for now. Just dealing with crazy hormones, mentally, physically, and hopefully i'll get them under control soon.

Wish me luck that I'll have good news eventually.

The Chaos of the day

Today was scheduled for my HCG shot. I had to take it between 7-9AM.
Hal was suppose to give it to me. I had the directions, I had watched the video on how to give this shot. I had the medicine, the needles etc etc

Well Hal got called into work at 7AM so he was out to help me. His mom whom was visiting with us and a nurse was willing to help but she had left yesterday for vacation.

We asked our family friend to help- she's a nurse so we thought it'd be perfect!

I got up and left the house at 6:45AM so get to her house around 7:30 for my shot before she left for work.  I got to her house, rang the bell, came inside with my medicine, only to find out that the bottle of medicine had been broken. Here I was with 1.5 hours of time to take this shot and a broken bottle of medicine. NOW WHAT?

She told me to get to my doctor ASAP.

I called in the emergency line to get help for a new prescription. They sent me down another 30 minutes or so to pick up this prescription. I finally got my hands on new meds by 8:30AM and was out $200.00! When my original was covered 100% by insurance.

The doc asked that I come into the office for the shot now that I was strapped for time to get it done.

Did you ever realize how crazy infertility really is? it's all time sensitive- your body- your meds- your procedures- everything works around a specific time and NO you can't pick the time. Your body picks it.

You get calls DAILY in the afternoon after you have bloodwork done which is every other day- and they give you updates on how much medicine to take and at what time to take it.... talk about a '2nd job!'

So finally by 9am I got to the hospital where they helped give me the shot. I was told this was a FIRST! Never have any patients ever had a broken bottle of medicine!!!   I said hopefully this is the only fluke for this cycle!

I finally got home around 11am. So tired after nearly putting in 100 miles first thing this morning.  I did get frustrated and nearly cried to the answering service who couldn't figure out if this was an emergency or not. (IDIOTS)

I know I am pumped with a TON of hormones right now... so my moods are crazy. I'm super hungry. I'm puffier than ever. Everything is bloated out. it's great.

I can only hope that it pays off and soon!

Do you KNOW HOW HARD it is to be a FITNESS coach and be GROWING w/out a BABY inside?!?!?  IT BLOWS!!!! It SUCKS!!!

Learn from me- check all your meds when you are getting them shipped to your house from the special pharmacies. You just NEVER EVER KNOW!!!!

I pray all of this stress soon pays off and I get a healthy baby or 2.

Doctor Checks

I decided over the weekend I wanted to look into the credentials of the doctors I'm using :)

I never thought about where they've studied or their success stories so I figured I'd definitely look into this.

Here's what I found out:

1. Dr Roth- Loyola University & Rush University out of Chicago- BIG schools- GREAT educations!
2. Dr Levin- Pittsburgh, Northwestern, & UCLA!   More BIG schools & educations!

They both rated 4-4.5 out of 5!   Not to shabby!

Guess I have landed in the correct place for a reason.

I also found out today that my insurance covers what I'm going through 100%.  Talk about a blessing.

I am 1 round away from IVF, since switching doctors- Dr. Levin decided to try the injection/IUI round since it worked for him. He has twins. So does Dr. Roth. funny how I'm dealing with 2 docs who both have twins. hmmmmm

Anyway- please make sure you have GREAT health insurance. It's CRUCIAL for this kind of a situation.  I still can't get over the fact that it's 100% covered. Never have I experienced that!

So- I'm still doing shots until further notice.   Double dosed.

I find I'm super hot these days... I'm guessing the out of control hormones.

I work in the fitness business & naturally I should be fit & in shape but of course the injections cause you to bloat, be puffy, and gain weight. Sooo that is quite the fight. I have to remember this is temporary and a good thing to bring together a family. Then I can do all the fitness I want after :)

I do look forward to that day when I'm super fit & a mom of 2-3 !!! It'll be one awesome day!

I'm glad that I already have my own business in health & fitness that allows me to be able to stay home with my babies when they finally get here!

Want more info on working from home?  email me at lyndsiweise@comcast.net OR check out my website- www.lyndsiweisefitness.com   You can also find me on Facebook- www.facebook.com/lyndsi.weise

Keeping up with Injections

I missed a couple days on my updates for the injection meds so let me catch you up.


Basically with injections it goes MUCH longer than Clomid or Letrozole/Femara. You pretty much inject the meds until you get to the point to trigger ovulation. 


So today is day 7 of the injections. I went to the doc yesterday morning to check out my follicle growth... there are 3 growing on my ride side- one of which is leading big time in size. this is a benefit. Now of course if all 3 got fertilized then that means triplets who do not look alike. CRAZY to think about.  Unlikely though :)  


The doc checked my blood and called me with updates in the afternoon on dosage.


If you get these injections you will get an update every day in the afternoon of your blood level- which I'm not even going to try to explain. I don't want to confuse you.


So anyway- the doc called me to update and told me to double my dosage. I'm like good lord body can you just respond!!


I then went back to the doc today for more monitoring. You see when you're in this position you do what your body does. We run the process based on my body, not mind.


I am continuing on my double dosages for now. Back to the doc Tuesday.


The injections will make your stomach PUFF out- okay so I look FAT. haha. How else do I say it?  I'm VERY bloated and prego looking if you will. It sucks. You can feel the twinges of your ovaries growing. You can't cross your legs, you can't sit indian style, you can't bend, no lifting, no exercise except for walking or limited swimming (thank god it's summertime). 


We went to a wedding this weekend and I could not dance at the wedding, and if you know me. You know I LOVE to dance. So that was difficult to not get up and start bouncing around. 


I can't be cold/shivering. Not that one would want to be cold & shivering but it's bad for what I'm dealing with.  


I am super bummed on the fitness end because I have worked SOOOOO hard to get in shape and this is moving backwards for me.... now I have to keep reminding myself that THIS IS TEMPORARY! I will get the best gift in the world this way and I can workout all I want after :) It's a hard pill to swallow when you have worked so hard to lose weight and get in shape. 


I think overall its not so bad if you can deal with sticking yourself with needles daily. they are not too painful. Just annoying is all. 


Worst part of my weekend is that another freshly pregnant lady asked me if I was in the same boat as her... or assumed and it was like  'well no... trying..hard to explain...'


That was hard. Just because I don't have the happy news...and I still basically have to act as if I truly am pregnant- no drinking- no exercise etc etc   And naturally that sucks when we know there is NO baby YET!


BUT I truly believe there will be great news SOON!!!


xoxo

Day 2 injections

Day 2 of my injections....

Bailey decided to jump on me today- he is my Puggle about 2 years old and 25lbs of pure muscle. When he jumps & lands it ain't pretty!  The doctors want me to set up gates so he wont jump for the next couple weeks. I guess injections are going to make my ovaries nice and large...exciting right? ha!

So the bloating is slowly beginning. I seem to be overly hungry on these and my body temp is crazy. I'm cold then warm then cold. I feel like my stomach is sticking far out which sucks.

I'm trying to stay positive and focus on making sure I dont bend over, or bounce around the house, or over exert myself.  Seriously I can't even WORKOUT. All I do is walk. It's so not lyndsi. I'm soooo not myself with this. BUT I am trying to remain normal and stay positive as best I can.

Preparing for a long busy weekend coming up is kind of a struggle but I think it will be okay. I wish I could just be normal Lyndsi again. Not have to worry about plans and just going with the flow for the weekend but that's not how things roll for me right now. I have to plan out my meds, they have to refridgerated as well as taken on time. It's a lot of clean/prep work to add the new needle, clean it up, dial up then poke and clean up after that.

I do miss being normal and having a normal life. I pray no one has to deal with infertility. It's an absolute nightmare.

I also want to encourage those who ARE going through this to SPEAK UP with your doctors!!! They will listen if you SPEAK UP! Because I spoke up my doctors have been very aggressive moving forward for me.  If you dont speak up you're only going to move slow and waiting is truly the hardest part (thank you tom petty)

Today while injecting I noticed another needle in my kit and GOOD GOD is it HUGE. I am NOT looking forward to THAT!

I'll show you a picture here of this lovely needle.

I'm going to take a wild guess that its used for the HCG trigger shot later.

wish me luck as the process continues! I will keep you posted. Night Night!

Injections Begin

Hey Everyone!

Like I wrote in the last post.... I thought my cycle had started 2 weeks ago when in reality it did NOT! It started a week ago which my complaining in my previous post about switching doctors and losing out on 1 cycle really was God holding it off so I could get situated since I need to use injection medicine & IVF!

So that is very exciting. On a negative note though I may forfeit a couple amazing business trips because of timing BUT this is family we are talking about :)

The doctor ordered me my first set of injections- they come to you in the mail in a cooler. You have to keep them cold in the fridge!

Today was my first injection.  I went to get monitored and the doctor found 15 follicles on one ovary and 8 on the other. Do you know how many babies that is?!?! Dont you just love this disease?!??!

GOOD LORD!   The biggest risk is that multiples are an option. I'm okay with that at this point.

I learned how to use the 'pen'. We add the medicine to it, as well as a fresh new needle each time. I then stuck it into my FAT! ha!! and pushed the button and in went the medicine. There was a small burning feeling after which I assume means it worked. I forgot to clean that area after. OOPS.

Tomorrow is shot #2. I am getting comfortable already!

I go back to the hospital on Thursday to be monitored and see how the follicles are coming along.

The hope is that only 1-4 grow and not all of them. Otherwise they will cancel this cycle.

I have to say I do miss my primary doc. He's great and so laid back. These guys are a big more uptight, super friendly but not near as laid back as Dr. Roth and his staff. So I pray I get success soon so I can be released back to him!

The benefit is that I did not pay 1 cent for my medicine and so far am not paying much for my appointments either. Which is KEY to helping with infertility. It gets SUPER expensive.

The negative is that I ALWAYS have to go to the hospital. Parking there SUCKS. I get super frustrated with it. Then I get lost in the hospital as I'm still learning my way. This is the hospital I will one day give birth in, so I guess it's fair that I learn now. Might as well right!?  Here is to hoping this round works!

I will keep you posted as we move forward. Keep me in your prayers that these follicles calm themselves and I dont grow too many so we can continue!

xoxo good night

Mother's Day

I'm not gonna lie mothers day should be good, but it's kinda hard. It doesn't help that I'm in the midst of a detox and DYING for my everyday nutrition menu again.

Being on social media is hard a lot, it's tons and tons of happy pregnancy, baby picture, family picture posts and it's really hard. REALLY HARD. But who can blame everyone. I imagine I'd be doing the same thing if I was blessed to have a child.

The detox mixed with mothers day and infertility is NO BUENO!!!!

Hal and I talked a lot about what happens if I never have kids. I refuse to hear it. I refuse to even think that is the case. I fully believe I'm meant to have children in my life. I can't help but wonder if maybe God doesn't want me to have them... but I'm pretty sure he keeps his promises and he does.

Rough day. Not much else to say.

Good Night

HSG

Today has been REAL interesting.  Enough that I can write yet again!

I spoke about the HSG yesterday and never really explained what exactly it was.

So check it out  HSG

The doctor required it as does my insurance so lucky me. I get to have my own doctor do it. He requested I come to the hospital tomorrow for the procedure. I hear it's painful. I'm not excited. But I'll do what I have to, to have a family.

I was talking to the Verizon Wireless Rep and he wished me a Happy Mother's Day. NOT COOL! I understand the kindness but NOT COOL!  Thanks for that reminder!!!!  It's hard- I'd say it's best to not say anything at all. You never know what someone is going through and you can judge or assume.

It's a struggle like I've said,  I get a lot of people who tell ME first they are prego. It's like what do I have 'PLEASE TELL ME!!' plastered to my head?!?!

I understand that excitement for sure. I will be the SAME way when my day comes.  So I try to be happy and excited and ignore the fact that this is reality for me and IVF is waiting.

I told you yesterday that I cannot travel during these procedures because of blood flow, sitting too long, and all the monitoring. So the decision now is do I wait a month and travel or do I cancel my traveling?!

I want badly to be there for my team, for the pictures, and the memories. This is really difficult for me believe it or not.

With this disease you never know if a round is going to work or not. You never know if you're body is going to develop cysts that will scrap your round or if it will work.

I love being in the unknown. NOT!

I'm trying to enjoy this journey... really I am.

I was just thinking about how exercise has been cut from me yet I need to exercise. So I was thinking I could swim this summer. It's different, slow paced, or fast if I choose and I bet it wont affect my body! That's something to look forward to :)

Anyway- happy mothers day to those who are and those who are not keep pressing forward, one day it'll be for you too.

New Doctor

Today I met my new doctor. Well my IVF doc. I get my regular doctor back once I'm pregnant.

I think I already explained that the reason I switched my insurance was specifically to work with my current doctor. He was brand new to me and we knew it was going to be a lot of visits and treatments so we picked insurance to work with him.  Well when it was time for Injections/IVF he was told that insurance had sub-contracted out the IVF procedures to a different facility. It's not comfortable... but whatever.

So I met the new doc today after a CRAZY day.  I am doing the Ultimate Reset by Beachbody. It's a 21 day body detox, helps to remove the toxins, chemicals, crud, and fat in my body. PCOS is tied to toxins soooo perhaps this will help me! We shall see. Hal is doing it with me. Check it out Ultimate Reset

I made homemade dressing in the Magic Bullet for our salads today. When Hal poured his dressing serving he twisted the cap SO TIGHT that when I was trying to get mine out... I could not twist it back off for anything.  Detox & Medical Insurance can make a girl go crazy for real!!!  So after many attempts and my anger building up I finally broke the piece, and dressing ended up splattering all over my kitchen. I was NOT HAPPY.  On the detox you don't eat the everyday food. Now the food is great. It's a lot of salad so naturally the dressing is a big flavor you want and I dont want to cheat on this and eat a non-homemade dressing.  So I flipped out.  I understand part of this is the toxins releasing so release away!

I struggled with the insurance company as well today just learning about my benefits for IVF. Not gonna lie it might just be worth all this struggle and hassle because I am getting A LOT covered. I had read that this new doc requires payment in full before they treat you. But because of my insurance it should be all covered. So that's good to know.

This doctor is located in the hospital that I will eventually deliver at, whenever that day arrives. It was my first time at the hospital. Like I said we had switched out my old doctors and hospital for the new one who I now can't even work with. Super Annoying!

Parking at this place is a nightmare. I was in tears trying to park. I finally got into the docs office 30 minutes late. I got lost, I was so frustrated!!! But finally I got into meet this doc.

He showed me my options to move forward- but first they decided to do an HSG only to keep insurance from fighting anything. HMO is awesome for coverage but they tell you who you have to see. Hence my doc switch out of nowhere.

So tomorrow I'm supposed to get this done. I'm trying to go back to my reg doc to do it instead though so we shall see. I hear it's uncomfortable... so not looking forward to it!

From there we move to injections... sadly though I cannot travel with these procedures and I have  A LOT of traveling coming up.... I am torn on how to deal with this. Any input would be great! My traveling is for business but fun at the same time. So it's a toss up... because family is priority...so hard decisions.

This is my ultimate goal... do I wait or do I move forward?   Can't it just get easy already?! SERIOUSLY!!!!

Unexpected Updates

Let me start out by saying HEALTH INSURANCE SUCKS!

The day I was getting started with my round of Injections/IVF the doc called for pre-approval of everything by insurance.

Now lets talk about insurance.... I own my own business which basically tells you I dont have insurance. Small biz life!  It's bittersweet! I do love it though!

Hal put me on his insurance and to make it cost efficient as he does work for a small biz too. We had been on a flexible spending/savings because naturally we're young healthy people right?

HA!!!! Talk about a change!!!  Who ever knew this disease would come to me. Well I guess I've had it forever, but you know what I mean. I just found out about it at 29 yrs old practically 30. Scary huh?

Well when open enrollment took place we decided to go with the HMO plan... note to self... when you are not healthy... choose PPO.

Fast forward back to the day of insurance pre-approval before Injections began.  I got a call that my doctor could NOT do the procedures on me, that the insurance company had sub-contracted out all IVF/Injection procedures to a new facility. REALLY?

You mean to tell me the doctor that I specifically changed my insurance for CANT even treat me now?

We have been trying to fight it... but in the meantime I'm meeting the new doctor next week and I guess preparing for procedures with him.

I had to go in and get some paperwork/updated charts from my doc. The good news is he can treat me once I am successfully pregnant. So that is nice to know, and really I can't complain... i could not have insurance at all.

But COME ON!!! I switched JUST to have this doc. I lost all my other doctors. Can you imagine?! After going through cycle after cycle....

My doc wants to know everything going on so that is good to know.

Everything happens for a reason right?!  They say you're go through a super dark valley in life before the sun shines....  I am DEF in that valley. Been here too long....I hope the sun will shine soon.

In the meantime I am doing a Detox. It's a 21 day Vegetarian moved into Vegan style. Lots of great clean whole foods in it. You never go hungry! But it helps to release the toxins and chemicals... and there have been a couple studies that toxins and chemicals are part of PCOS...so.. what would it hurt?! After all I did lose this cycle round. Might as well!  Hal is doing it with me. There have been amazing results on it! Lowered Cholesterol, weight loss, even cellulite removal!!! It's from all the toxins! The pollution in the air, the detergent in our laundry, processed foods etc!   All the toxins who happily stay put in our bodies! I am stoked for my results and shockingly the food tastes amazing!  You can't really exercise on this so that's good considering I got the restraint! check it out! www.myultimatereset.com/fitnessfourlife

So my patience needs to be high, the wait for this is going to seem like forever, although May is a super busy month... when you go through infertility it's like being a kid waiting for your birthday. No Joke.

That's all for now! Good Night!

Etiquette- Do's & Don'ts & a look inside PCOS emotions

Here is some thoughts to read on if you THINK you understand Infertility but YOU DONT suffer from it!

Infertility Etiquette

Read and DO!

And please next time you judge that fat girl laced with acne on her face, hair falling out, and if you get close enough to see facial hair WATCH yourself- Those are ALL part of this NASTY disease that THEY CANNOT HELP!!!   It's all in the hormone mix!

do you want to understand what a girl with PCOS deals with?! Do you want to see how painful it is?

Watch this.....  copy & paste the link!

http://youtu.be/rM4nIYvZ7sU

This is exactly what its like.... a roller coaster that we can only one day hope ends happy & soon!


That's all for today!

IVF Broken Down

Lets talk about how IVF works, prices, process, percentages etc etc You get where I'm going with this!

This link pretty much sums it all up! Click to read if you choose IVF DETAILS!

A couple pieces that stand out to me... 

30-35% chance!

Big Risk is MULTIPLES!!!!

10lb weight gain in 3-5 days- REALLY?! Give me a break!

Sedation at the Egg Retrieval??? yikes!  Seems I'll be in the hospital or doc's office for most of the day when that happens. I better make sure my phone is charged!!!  Potential Bed Rest?! THIS GIRL!?!? Do they know I live and breathe fitness?!?!?!!!

Injections can be 1-4 a day for up to 10 days!!!!

More monitoring with IVF/Injections..basically I have to go to doc every day/other day depending. 

OOOH exciting!  My home away from home

Embryo's can be frozen for future babies....  Dear Lord I'll take 2 healthy twins or triplets- 1 and done!

I read there is a 25% chance for twins, 15% for triplets but higher for 1!

Miscarriage occurs 15% of the time- not cool.

Progesterone supps may come alone... hmmm hopefully they are the KEY!

PRICE!!!!  Highest is $15K lowest is $7500!  Insurance DOES cover THANK GOD!!!
Payment plans are available, I want to say coverage is usually 50-80% and these totals do include EVERYTHING.  Now $7500 is likely JUST the IVF section, not the daily ultrasound monitoring, bloodwork, injection meds, HCG shot, progesterone ETC!

good lawd! 

This is me being optimistic!  It's worth it right!!!! 

Okay so fill me in on your thoughts about IVF, experiences, and wish me luck.  It's coming up SOON!

Happy Infertility Awareness Week... I think...