Unexpected Updates

Let me start out by saying HEALTH INSURANCE SUCKS!

The day I was getting started with my round of Injections/IVF the doc called for pre-approval of everything by insurance.

Now lets talk about insurance.... I own my own business which basically tells you I dont have insurance. Small biz life!  It's bittersweet! I do love it though!

Hal put me on his insurance and to make it cost efficient as he does work for a small biz too. We had been on a flexible spending/savings because naturally we're young healthy people right?

HA!!!! Talk about a change!!!  Who ever knew this disease would come to me. Well I guess I've had it forever, but you know what I mean. I just found out about it at 29 yrs old practically 30. Scary huh?

Well when open enrollment took place we decided to go with the HMO plan... note to self... when you are not healthy... choose PPO.

Fast forward back to the day of insurance pre-approval before Injections began.  I got a call that my doctor could NOT do the procedures on me, that the insurance company had sub-contracted out all IVF/Injection procedures to a new facility. REALLY?

You mean to tell me the doctor that I specifically changed my insurance for CANT even treat me now?

We have been trying to fight it... but in the meantime I'm meeting the new doctor next week and I guess preparing for procedures with him.

I had to go in and get some paperwork/updated charts from my doc. The good news is he can treat me once I am successfully pregnant. So that is nice to know, and really I can't complain... i could not have insurance at all.

But COME ON!!! I switched JUST to have this doc. I lost all my other doctors. Can you imagine?! After going through cycle after cycle....

My doc wants to know everything going on so that is good to know.

Everything happens for a reason right?!  They say you're go through a super dark valley in life before the sun shines....  I am DEF in that valley. Been here too long....I hope the sun will shine soon.

In the meantime I am doing a Detox. It's a 21 day Vegetarian moved into Vegan style. Lots of great clean whole foods in it. You never go hungry! But it helps to release the toxins and chemicals... and there have been a couple studies that toxins and chemicals are part of PCOS...so.. what would it hurt?! After all I did lose this cycle round. Might as well!  Hal is doing it with me. There have been amazing results on it! Lowered Cholesterol, weight loss, even cellulite removal!!! It's from all the toxins! The pollution in the air, the detergent in our laundry, processed foods etc!   All the toxins who happily stay put in our bodies! I am stoked for my results and shockingly the food tastes amazing!  You can't really exercise on this so that's good considering I got the restraint! check it out! www.myultimatereset.com/fitnessfourlife

So my patience needs to be high, the wait for this is going to seem like forever, although May is a super busy month... when you go through infertility it's like being a kid waiting for your birthday. No Joke.

That's all for now! Good Night!

When will Rock Bottom FINALLY hit?!

Today I mark 15 months of dealing with infertility/trying to conceive etc

It's one of those days when you wake up and think it was just a dream right?? I am FINALLY here? Finally past this nightmare?

I was at the White Sox game last night and AC/DC Thunderstruck started (intro to game song) and we had used Thunderstruck when we were first introduced and Mr & Mrs Hal Weise at our wedding....  I felt an excitement when I heard the song- it reminded me of happy days. SUPER HAPPY... I should say.

Because today I am happy, but I guess I don't feel complete.... and that is super scary to say right? Aren't you suppose to feel complete? Yeah I did back then...  now here I am going on 2 years of being married- not long I know but I'm also going on 31 years old and I'd like to have 2, honestly if that's all God will give me. I'd take it. And I'd like to run young with them.

You're probably wondering why I'm not discussing IVF treatments as they should've started today.

Well sadly the Insurance company has declined allowing my doctor to treat me.  He's trying to make it work, but it's not looking good. I will get sent to a new facility. They decided to sub-contract out to a new treatment center and wont cover me going to him... as of right now. He is trying to help if he can.

Do you know what that is like? Honestly. I LIVE in my doctors office- I go there every other day and get greeted by my first name. They know me, I know them- my doctor CALLS me on the phone rather than me having to talk to a nurse about ANYTHING with this subject.

I've NEVER had that kind of a doctor before. And now insurance wants to take that away.

I specifically switched to this insurance just to HAVE THIS DOCTOR. I lost EVERY other doctor I EVER had because I had to switch plans to have Dr. Roth, and now I'm being told I can't even use him anymore.

Going to a new center means ALL New treatment ALL OVER- new checks- things I've already done.

I HATE INFERTILITY. I HATE MY BODY RIGHT NOW FOR THIS DISEASE

IS THIS ROCK BOTTOM OR WHAT?! Honest to God. It's hard enough to be riding this roller coaster just to have a family, it's a non-stop fight.

I believe your family will feel complete when you have one or two little ones with you and your husband/wife. It's a different kind of happy I think. What do I know.  But I think it's more of a complete feeling and that super happy life...  the one you thought you'd have... little did you know you'd have miscarriages and deal with infertility.

There has to be an uphill soon.  right?...  or maybe this isn't meant for me?

Now that you know what all this disease is about, you can sort of feel the depression level that kicked in when I found out infertility was in my future and honestly some never end up having babies, so really it's all an unknown for now. And you can also see that not only is PCOS an issue for infertility, but diseases like diabetes, heart etc can come of this. Isnt this getting more exciting?! NOT!!!!

Good thing I am in the fitness and health biz right!!! I have to take extra caution with myself, making sure I am eating clean and healthy 80-90% of the time and of course exercising.

October came and I miscarried. I then was told you are most fertile 3 months after a miscarriage, so my mind was focused and set to continue on this journey. Hal and I really wanted a summer due date. All of our families birthdays fall in the winter timeframe and the majority in December which becomes a busy cluster especially with Christmas and New Years.

We hoped for a summertime baby, to celebrate separate from all the other birthdays in the family. So naturally I felt pressure to make this happen quick so I could get a July, August, September due date. But as I learned how difficult this would be, I was even okay with October, November. Hal was to the point of I dont care when, as long as it happens and it's healthy. And that is the truth... with this disease, all that matters is that you get a healthy baby. The choice in due dates is truly out of question.

The doctor said all you need is a little push, you have a mild case of PCOS, no cysts so this is good. November started round 1 with Letrozole a generic form of Femara, we used 2.5mg to start. I was 'drunk' through the first round of meds thinking oh dear Lord please dont make me have to do this over and over again. This is horrible. I couldn't sleep, I saw blur, it wasn't pleasant.

How a round work is that you get medicine cycle day 3-7, you have to take 1-3 pills a day. CD3,9,12,14,17 you are in the doctors office getting monitored by ultrasound to see follicle growth. A follicle is where the egg is at, and it needs to grow to a good 2.0 CM to be mature enough to be fertilized and sustain a pregnancy. Generally a normal person will have this growth around CD12-13 which is about mid-way from your period. The eggs release once matured and ovulation takes place- which is that small 23% section of time anyone can get pregnant. So if you do NOT want to get pregnant, then AVOID this timeframe or use protection of course. If you DO, now you know your timeframe :) That is, if you are a normal person!

With my PCOS, this ovulation was taking place around CD 43 which is WAY LATE! Also with PCOS you dont necessarily ovulate. Eggs don't release, etc Many ladies affected by this disease struggle to even ovulate or get a period.

Once the doctor is happy with your follicle size growth the option to trigger ovulation starts. This is a nice large shot in your rear end of HCG! It's somewhat painful, and the first time I got it, I felt sick to my stomach. Adjusting to all these drugs is what was happening I'm guessing.

From there you go on to romance or perhaps IUI is what you need. After that the dreaded 2 week wait begins. If you are anxious you better get SUPER busy for these 2 weeks. They are NOT easy. A week after ovulation you go back to the doctor to check your progesterone level which they want to be 10 or higher. A week after that is your pregnancy test. And so finishes the cycle.

Did I mention EVERY SINGLE TIME you go to the doctor they take your blood? Yep- bloodwork EVERY SINGLE TIME. Isn't this awesome?

So round 1 of 2.5 Femara & HCG went bad. No success. Usually these days are when my anger level rise and a lot of negative kicks in. I probably workout 2 hours solid, lift heavier than you can imagine and throw punches like a big muscly dude who is after another. Thank God for TurboFire!!! www.lyndsiweisefitness.com --> check out TurboFire! Best Punch throwing, kicking, cardio dance party in town!

I think most can relate to the world of social media and crazy timing- when you get back from your bad news and you see a new post on Facebook that someone is pregnant. It's not that you are NOT HAPPY for them... that's not it. It's hard to explain, but hopefully this blog helps.

Imagine getting married, and naturally a couple babies will come, life will be hard as always, but wait- WHAT?! infertility is a part of this? You mean I have to PAY TO HAVE CHILDREN?

I have to WORK for them? It's not all fun and exciting? Imagine... just try to imagine how hard it gets.

So yes CD 1-3 is usually A LOT of anger, punching, kicking, screaming... you name it.

All you want to do is move forward and have your children young so you can run and enjoy them. Life is short after all. You want their grandparents to have time with them, and like I said Life is short... it can end in a second. This whole process SUCKS. No other words to describe it.

CD3 Round 2 comes, and Dr. Roth decides we are going to try 5MG of Femara (Letrozole) this time.

You know how the process works by now- ultrasound monitoring every other day, bloodwork, and a big old shot of HCG in the rear followed by romance, progesterone level check & a pregnancy test.

I personally have never even seen an at home positive pregnancy test- only through bloodwork have I ever had positive. And rumor has it, that CAN happen to MANY. So if you get negative, be sure to have bloodwork checked out as well if you dont get a period.

I think the worst on this journey is when you get told 'Dont worry about it' 'You need to relax' or 'it'll happen when it's time' 'Dont think about it'

REALLY?!??!?! You go to the doctor every other day, get monitored, get your bloodwork done, go through the WHOLE ROUND and tell me how to NOT think about it. It's IN YOUR FACE nonstop.

And you know it's BAD when the nurses, receptionists, and students in medical training know you by name! I walk in, and it's 'HI LYNDSI!!!' It's practically my 2nd home.

Those of you just starting this journey, unfortunately you are going to run into happy mothers to be at the doctors office- finding out if it's a boy or girl- finding out they are doing great- even walking around with the bump is annoying to see. But it's their time, so you deal and read a book or play with your smartphone while you wait to see the doctor.

I'd say it's pretty difficult to hear the heartbeats on the monitors too- it's loud and you can usually hear it out in the waiting room. So that is hard to deal with, but we just press forward.

Oh and this process works around your body- so if it's a holiday, you better believe you WILL be in the docs office if he needs to see you. I've gone in over Easter and New Years Day. These doctors are aggressive and show up at ALL TIMES. I definitely feel for their families, but I guess their families know exactly what they are apart of.

Back to round 2- It was 5 MG of Letrozole/Femara and was in December I believe. We headed out to DisneyWorld for my 30th Birthday. YEP that's right I was officially 30 years old with NO BABY on the way or in my hands. So of course I was FREAKING OUT!!! WHY AM I 30 with no baby on the way or in my hands yet?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHAT DID I EVER DO SO WRONG TO DESERVE THIS?!

These are typical questions that you'll ask- and ask- and ask- and ask!!! It's hard to accept that you did NOTHING wrong.

Sadly there are drug addicts, unappreciate women, drunks, abusive-anger people who have babies like it's nothing.

Of COURSE you are wondering WHY GOD?! WHY not give the drunks, and the abusers the diseases so it's hard for them to have children? WHY let those children enter into such a hard life when there are women who would pay ANYTHING, give ANYTHING to have a baby and would care for it, love it, raise it without suffering.

I dont have this answer. If you do- please feel free to share. I can't figure out why!!

Children are a blessing in your life- and you should appreciate every SINGLE moment you have with them. Life is TOO short and some can't even have children. So appreciate that you are blessed being able to naturally have them and not have to work hard, or walk through this fire to get them.

So where was I before I got on that rabbit trail of frustration....

Round 1- progesterone came back 7.7 and negative test

Round 2- progesterone came back around 6 and negative test

I was starting to get used to the bad news, and my expectations that 'THIS' is the round were slowly falling down. Which was a good thing because you can't expect ANYTHING in this journey.

You're always on call, you never know when you need to get in, things come up... there is ALWAYS something new that happens. Be ready for constant change... after all the only thing constant in life is change!

I swear every round I would get something new that would just SHOCK me and make me go back home... thinking SERIOUSLY?! This is seriously my life? And so would start the 'what did I do to deserve this?'

A nice thing is you will find MANY around you do go through this journey. Some faster, some longer, most have success though so you can get excited and have hope.

Onward to round 3! 7.5 MG of Letrozole (femara) the highest we can go! Now this round MUST be it!

Meet Hal & Lyndsi

Hi!

My name is Lyndsi and I will be writing most of this blog. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. I hope at the least this helps someone going through infertility struggles. I will likely have positive & negative involved trying to be as real as I can be with this experience to maybe just help one other person. I am 30 years old living my dream life married to my bff, working as a fitness coach and independent distributor for Beachbody. I love fitness and health. It's my passion. I lost over 70lbs, 15% bodyfat, and 10 jean sizes the year before I got married! There is nothing like working super hard to lose weight and get in shape! I swear it was the hardest journey in my life! Little did I know what was truly headed my way.

Hal, 31 years old works as a project manager for construction firm and was on board with me getting involved in the fitness world after we got married because it keeps me making an income but working from home which was perfect because we had it set in our minds that I would stay home with our future children.

I have looked forward to that part of life, being a mom, having a little family. The holidays and the excited look on the my kids faces. Spending time at the zoo, playing with play dough, even dealing with spit up! I've been pretty stoked about it all.

Hal and I decided to start our family growing in February 2011. It was a good time to start. I was in a wedding and did not want to ruin that day by having a large belly or being due at the time so we postponed until it was almost time for that day. I focused on my business and my fitness of course.

The time came and went, it was 4th of July weekend and I was VERY late so we were thrilled to check out a pregnancy test, only to find the test came up negative. Super confused and disappointed I knew something was not right. I wasn't up to share anything yet at the time with family or friends. It is nice to have something with your spouse before you have it with your family and friends. I wanted to surprise the families, as did he.

So I started off on my quest to figure out what exactly the deal was. I went to my regular OB/GYN doc, and got told that I am too stressed out and that is why my cycles are long. I was told my thyroid was fine and to come back in March 2012 if no baby is growing by then.

I found that to be unacceptable since we were 6 months into TTC. One of the my co-workers was talking to me about a fitness course we were getting certified for and I was suppose to get on a plane to Nashville to go to this training. I cancelled the trip and explained to her what was going on, she offered her best advice which is going out and getting a BBT and start temping every morning. I also learned about the book 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' so I got it and began to read. It helped open up my eyes to HOW much science goes into having a baby- how big of a miracle this really is, and how you have to find the right timing. Made me question how is it possible for SO many teens to land on this small percentage of time and get pregnant?! CRAZY!

I finished the book rather quick so I could understand how natural birth control works, and how to temp and naturally make a baby. I was convinced I had this all figured out, so the charting of my temps began in August 2011.

I also had asked one of my friends a bit about it, as she is a doctor and thought she might have some input for me as well as, just having a friend to talk to was helpful. She referred me to an Infertility Specialist in the Lombard area, whom if you are reading and need help please contact him. He is AMAZING! Dr. Andrew Roth- Lombard, IL

I'm 30, so naturally I was being told DAILY announcements of people getting pregnant, having babies, growing their family like it's nothing. It was hard to handle because all I did was beat myself up for not having started this a long time ago. I did have a small dream that I wanted a baby on the way or here by 30, and I was FAST approaching 30 years old.

I kept plugging away at the temps and focusing on the key pieces you have to find in order to know when you are fertile. Day 40 approached and I was looking at my temps on the chart and realized here we were again, a super LONG cycle, and no ovulation showing... it was up and down temps all over the place. What I should have seen was low temps until ovulation, then a big spike for the next 2 weeks of temps.

My appt with Dr Roth was scheduled for September 13th- I walked in nervously reading 'Infertility Specialist' on his door 'High Risk Pregnancy' and my heart was pounding. I was thinking, 'I'm just here for a 2nd opinion. I really dont have infertility problems'

The day before I saw Dr Roth, my dermatologist suggested I get my hormones checked out, get bloodwork done because my face would not stop breaking out and we had tried EVERYTHING under the sun to clear it up. I was getting SHOTS in my FACE at this point to help clear up my face.

Dr. Roth agreed to draw blood for my hormone checks the first day I met him.

It was real cool because with Dr. Roth you can go into his office, sit in front of his desk and talk to him about your life, your health, and ask all the questions in the world. THEN you have examinations, blood drawn, monitoring etc

I left thinking okay regardless of him having the words 'Infertility Specialist' on his door, I think I'd like to stick with this doctor.

I continued with temp charting and began to read up on a disease called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I matched quite a few symptoms... Acne, Facial Hair, overweight, depression, all of those matched me. After all I did work SUPER hard to lose over 70lbs just a couple years prior to this. BUT I had no cysts. I recall going in for regular check ups, and ultrasounds when I'd fell any pain and never ever found anything. My cycles were like clockwork, always on time if not a day or 2 behind. So I wasn't convinced I had PCOS.

Sure enough Dr. Roth called and confirmed it, 'You have PCOS- I'd like you to come in for the insulin test'

The majority of PCOS ladies are IR- insulin resistant. They are given a specific drug MetFormin which helps with diabetes, and weight loss believe it or not. Many PCOS women need this drug to lose weight. Now I fully believe in a good healthy nutritional balanced diet and good exercise to lose weight & maintain. More on PCOS in a minute or the next post.

September 19th I got a call to find out if I was IR or not. Well much to my surprise not only was I NOT insulin resistant but I was actually pregnant. My HCG level was at 11 and Progesterone at 4.6, which the doctor was convinced I'd have a miscarriage.

This started the rollercoaster of will the baby stay or not. At this point both our parents were aware that something was going on and I was seeing a fertility specialist. They also knew there was a baby with a potential m/c about to take place.

I'd be in the doctors office EVERY other day for bloodwork to see if my levels would rise. For the next couple weeks they continue to rise, and he was almost convinced this baby was going to stay put.

I was scheduled to be in Orange County for Beachbody's Leadership Conference Weekend in October. Hal was in Kansas City on business for the week, and his mom was in town visiting us. It was the craziest timing ever, but October 13th, I was all packed and ready to head out to Orange County the next day, and Dr Roth CALLED ME! It's NEVER good when the doctor calls YOU with updates. Sure enough the levels had dropped and the baby was about to miscarry.

My battle with God began, 'WHY ME?!' 'WHY this timing?' 'WHY WHY WHY' My anger level rose. I was falling into a depression that is hard to describe. I could barely listen to the next steps from the doctor.

He was convinced that all I needed was some medicine and I'd be on my way to mommyhood.

Boy, did we all have any clue how much of a bumpy road was ahead.