Today I mark 15 months of dealing with infertility/trying to conceive etc
It's one of those days when you wake up and think it was just a dream right?? I am FINALLY here? Finally past this nightmare?
I was at the White Sox game last night and AC/DC Thunderstruck started (intro to game song) and we had used Thunderstruck when we were first introduced and Mr & Mrs Hal Weise at our wedding.... I felt an excitement when I heard the song- it reminded me of happy days. SUPER HAPPY... I should say.
Because today I am happy, but I guess I don't feel complete.... and that is super scary to say right? Aren't you suppose to feel complete? Yeah I did back then... now here I am going on 2 years of being married- not long I know but I'm also going on 31 years old and I'd like to have 2, honestly if that's all God will give me. I'd take it. And I'd like to run young with them.
You're probably wondering why I'm not discussing IVF treatments as they should've started today.
Well sadly the Insurance company has declined allowing my doctor to treat me. He's trying to make it work, but it's not looking good. I will get sent to a new facility. They decided to sub-contract out to a new treatment center and wont cover me going to him... as of right now. He is trying to help if he can.
Do you know what that is like? Honestly. I LIVE in my doctors office- I go there every other day and get greeted by my first name. They know me, I know them- my doctor CALLS me on the phone rather than me having to talk to a nurse about ANYTHING with this subject.
I've NEVER had that kind of a doctor before. And now insurance wants to take that away.
I specifically switched to this insurance just to HAVE THIS DOCTOR. I lost EVERY other doctor I EVER had because I had to switch plans to have Dr. Roth, and now I'm being told I can't even use him anymore.
Going to a new center means ALL New treatment ALL OVER- new checks- things I've already done.
I HATE INFERTILITY. I HATE MY BODY RIGHT NOW FOR THIS DISEASE
IS THIS ROCK BOTTOM OR WHAT?! Honest to God. It's hard enough to be riding this roller coaster just to have a family, it's a non-stop fight.
I believe your family will feel complete when you have one or two little ones with you and your husband/wife. It's a different kind of happy I think. What do I know. But I think it's more of a complete feeling and that super happy life... the one you thought you'd have... little did you know you'd have miscarriages and deal with infertility.
There has to be an uphill soon. right?... or maybe this isn't meant for me?
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