Putting Priorities First

This week I'm suppose to be heading to Las Vegas. Tomorrow morning in fact, and sadly I've been grounded from travel until further notice.

I think I've mentioned that when you're going through treatments that include injection medicine you have to be SO CAREFUL with your body. You can't travel, exercise, bend, lift, etc

So as a team leader in my business I definitely feel terrible to stay behind and leave my team in Vegas without me. There are other leaders above me who will be great support to them, but it wont be the same. I had plans to take them to a team dinner, and lots of pictures.  Not happening this year.

The good news is, our annual event is EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!! So 365 days from now I'll be back and with my team!

I do have a rank advancing/promotion coming up so I will be heading to Laguna Beach on Beachbody's dime again :)   Our leadership conference is being held in Dana Point so I'm looking forward to that. It's in September!

I should be off travel restriction soon I hope. They monitor your ovaries, making sure they enlarge like they are suppose to & then go back down.

When they are enlarged you can twist or rupture them and that is what you don't want. That is why you treat yourself with tender care while on injections- if you get this far.

Injections also come with an added 10-20lbs- no joke.  So on the plus side this added weight that I can't exercise off just yet will not be seen in the photos this week in Vegas :)

All in all as bummed as I am to miss the 1X a year event, I realize my priority which is not work. Beachbody is my job. I chose to become a fitness coach and help others get healthy. I have a great success story having lost 70lbs, 15% bodyfat, and over 10 jeans sizes. I want nothing more than to help others do the same. I want to be with my team, and spoil them for all their hard work.  But for now that has to wait.

My priority is family. Bottom line. I have to fight much harder to have babies than the majority of the world does. Therefor I have to sacrifice a lot, which includes another very high priority which is Beachbody & my business. And each cycle you dont know if you'll get a positive results or a negative one. So yeah, it makes you want to just travel. Get your mind off things, look at what else you love most and for me that is my business. And OF COURSE.. I love to travel. Who doesn't?  I'd LOVE to be in Vegas again with everyone.  There are many team members of mine I have not met yet, whom I'd love to be there and finally meet. The good news is- there is next year!  There is leadership in Laguna later this year and there is DisneyWorld coming up in March!  Lots of added travel coming up :)

Hopefully all goes well and my priorities start to line up, and a family is headed my way.

If you are on these kinds of meds, be so very careful with your body. It's super gentle right now.

Mental Exhaustion

Okay so this is mentally exhausting... have I told you guys this yet?!

I mean straight up MENTAL EXHAUSTION!

One minute I'm in dream world thinking of this family I will have...the next I am reminded of this disease and how I may never have a family.

The truth is all I can do is continue to fight everyday to get there.

Lots of mental exhaustion, tears... and there are happy moments while going through this journey.

I read the article about the young girl who drove off with her baby on top of her car because she 'forgot' and I truly just shake my head at how this world operates.

Its such a shame that so many people want to have a family and would be amazing parents, and yet idiots are super fertile.  Truly blows my mind.

I try to think that God does have a plan and that plan is slowly coming together.

I have no control that is for sure. I just follow the doctors orders... and most of you know a lot of those orders are currently against all the things I love to do.... fitness, travel, my body that was getting in shape, living on my own schedule....

With infertility you live on the schedule of your body & your doctor's office.

You have to go in probably 2-4X a week for monitoring, then wait for the phone call in the afternoon to update you on how much medicine you need...yep this means you even go in on Sundays, Holidays...etc

The medicine blows you up, like puffy, bloat, serious-fast weight gain. Not a thing you can do about it. It just happens..part of this process. I know I've said this before- but seriously this is like something I work SUPER HARD at as it is. Fighting to keep weight off...

No Exercise except walking/limited swimming... do you know how hard I worked to build muscle?! The cardio endurance I have?!?! I will likely have to re-do it all, re-build, re-lose the weight.

This is A LOT of mental exhaustion... to know your body is going backwards from where you worked so hard to get it... your schedule is all out of whack, you never ever know if you can do anything because of doc appointments, monitoring, meds etc etc  The timing is crucial, so everything goes on hold.

I travel a lot for my job... happily travel to events. I'm lucky I got to the Bahamas. I'm suppose to be in in Las Vegas on the 20th... currently I cannot go. I'm waiting to see if I might be able to go... but again... any NORMAL person who can easily have a family- this wouldn't be an issue whatsoever....they'd just get on the plane and go. But when you're dealing with infertility and this kind of medicine it's not safe to travel.

Last night I large pain struck my left side that keeps twingeing and pinching...and of course it's messing with my head like...what the!??! I am at risk for ovarian twisting &/or ruptures so I am EXTREMELY cautious about everything. But something struck bad last night, it was painful... but I tolerated enough that I knew it can't be anything too harmful. I believe a lot of this pain comes naturally with this medicine and the procedures. I understand that if I were to rupture/twist an ovary I'd be in so much pain, I'd be vomiting. But still.... alllllllll these risks!!! All this & if I make a wrong move, or fall etc  Out could go an ovary :(    Ridiculous isn't it?

And to top it all off, nothing is guaranteed.... no baby is guaranteed out of this. Talk about mental exhaustion.

God only knows if a baby will come, or 2 or 3... and God only knows when.  All I can do is try hard to keep my patience, trust, hope going strong.

Did I mention the pain you go through with these meds? Not fun... there is a lot of discomfort, therefore, wearing jeans is OUT right now. I try to stay as comfy as I can. My stomach is all puffy as it is, so dresses that flow are pretty much what I want to wear or hide in PJ's at home.

Most of my friends and family have children now... it's a very isolating situation to be in. It's hard to attend events, and I realize I can suck it up and deal... but it's hard. I'd rather just not be there, than be there in the corner crying...or fighting so hard to hold back my tears.  I've sucked it up at a couple events...and finally decided for me mentally it's best I just stay away.
To those friends who read this, hopefully you understand and I apologize if this seems selfish.  I know everyone has a lot of hope and faith for me that this WILL happen. It's easy to be an outsider and feel that strong. Lord knows I feel that way about my business and my team's growth- I tell them everyday they will grow and their business will flourish- IT WILL HAPPEN- as long as they take action on the job.

That's all I can do, is take action, continue to take meds, continue to trust, hope and have faith that I can bring a couple healthy babies into this world.  But god really only knows if that will ever happen and it is truly mentally exhausting.

I pray no one has to go through this journey.

Injection Warnings

If Injections are meant for you.... here's my warnings:

1. Be prepared to get fat fast!!!  Holy big stomach!!! I can't even believe how puffy I am. These meds can cause weight gain in a short week! There is nothing you can do about it, but deal.
Try being in the fitness business- not allowed to exercise, and puffing out like crazy!
The thing we do for a family!

2. No Exercise! I dont know about you guys but exercise is what helps me mentally and physically. This is a KILLER for me. I'm just walking and eventually going to swim.

3. No bending- No leg crossing- no jumping- no bouncing

basically if you have ANY doubt... DONT DO IT!

My little puggle loves to play and he's quite the jumper and I really cannot play with him right now. The poor guy doesn't understand what is going on. He's used to being able to rough-house with me and now he can't. I'm completely paranoid when sleeping because I dont want him to come jump on me and damage my ovaries.

I think the worst is just remembering everything and when the twinges start you freak out- did I hurt something?! It's crazy. Seriously.

What's happening is everything is enlarged as part of the process- does this happen with normal reproductive people?!?!?! hmmmm it does make sense for the 'bloated' time of the month on the ladies...

anyway

I can't travel right now.  All these crazy restrictions- you might as well just sleep. It's kinda depressing.

Oh and the hormones that have been added.... you're constantly starving...and craving of course all the wrong stuff. I'd say you're moody, headaches, tired... a lot of weird feelings going on.

hopefully sooner than later this will pay off and be all worth it!

I look forward to having a family and having my fitness life back :)

Injection hormones out of whack!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to just warn those of you who have to take injections... holy mother do they make you eat and your mind spin.

I'm never FULL EVER which is INSANE! I am trying to mentally wrap my mind around eating my 5 small meals that I'm used to everyday. I took myself to the store to buy extremely healthy whole foods and am working to get rid of all the crap that was in my house this weekend!!! I usually dont keep much junk but this weekend was different as we had visitors in town, and I usually get laid back with company and eat whatever is around.

But the injections had my head spinning. You get super tired, forgetful, you cry at nothing, and EAT! GRRRRRRRR just what I want right?!?!

I am STOKED for when I can get back to fitness and shrink down. I'm super puffy/ swollen etc right now. I feel like a pregnant girl. Hopefully this will be a dream come true soon!

Injections are a whole new world of medicine but they get the job done!

I woke up super depressed, having had a nightmare that Hal hated me. Just what I need while going through this journey right?! I did get up nice and early but wanted to stay in bed and hide from everything. I could feel the depression cloud smothering me, but I am slightly aware that I am pumped with a TON of medicine right now and that it's going to pay off soon :) It's hard on this end FOR SURE.

I mean... here you are... no baby... no guarantee of a baby...and you are going through A LOT to 'try' for that baby... but nothing is guaranteed. And if you get that baby...then you have to see about getting through the SAFE ZONE! Which means no miscarriage. This is nothing but SUPER STRESSFUL. Your faith has to be SO STRONG that the plan is laid out and that a family IS part of it, regardless of how you wanted that plan to go. Because I sure wanted 1 baby at the least on the way by the time I turned 30 and here I am 6 months away from 31 with no baby in sight.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just meant for multiples? Perhaps. One and done? Sure! Boy & Girl? bring it on! Triplets is not success in the world of the infertility docs. So twins will do. But one is good as well.

I was an only child half of my life and HATED it. I wanted badly to not be the only one and eventually I collected some siblings along the way. I do have older siblings as well, I just did not grow up with them. So I want my children to have siblings...2 total at the least 3 at max. Unless God has another plan and I wind up with 4-5 !!! I bet Hal would be just STOKED haha!!!  But in all honestly- this is not how I expected life to play out. I've gotten pregnant before on my own just fine, so this has throw the biggest curveball ever at me.

I know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.. but ummm I've fought a lot of obstacles in life and I'm ready to just rest and enjoy for a while...so this battle has thrown me so far off it's not even funny. In fact it's straight up sad. I do try my best to stay focused and stay positive. But these injections..whew!!!! Talk about a hormone hot mess I am right now. I'm probably best inside my house away from anyone else.

Now that I have healthy eats in the house I should be back under control here shortly with nutrition.

Mentally I like to exercise to keep sane... well all I can do right now is swim or walk. I'm waiting on whether we are moving or not here shortly to determine which pool I want to be connected to.

We found a house we love, it's very small though so there is a lot of concern there. I can't imagine having a family in this house, but we do love it. We shall see if it's what is meant to be.

If that is the case though- I will wait to get my pool pass from the Lombard pool rather than the Orland park pool.  Then I'll start swimming. I wonder if I can get my iPOD under water and still listen to it!??!?! Music helps me a TON!

What do you think tri-level home w/ finished basement-decent sized bedrooms and SMALL kitchen? OR one level home with big kitchen, big living room, decent bedrooms, and no basement? Both have 3 bedrooms... both have big back yards...

I'm trying to visualize a playroom, my office... etc  in the smaller house.... thoughts?! suggestions?! opinions?!

Big house is in the town we want to live in but on the wrong side of town, and little house is in a different town- close but not our town of choice. Of course little house is cheaper & very open... huge kitchen...  hmm decisions decisions

I also have a FULL workout room- weights, treadmill, elliptical, bars, bands etc etc Could I stash all of that plus playroom toys in a big living room with no other place to put it?!?!

Anyway- that's about it for now. Just dealing with crazy hormones, mentally, physically, and hopefully i'll get them under control soon.

Wish me luck that I'll have good news eventually.