Putting Priorities First

This week I'm suppose to be heading to Las Vegas. Tomorrow morning in fact, and sadly I've been grounded from travel until further notice.

I think I've mentioned that when you're going through treatments that include injection medicine you have to be SO CAREFUL with your body. You can't travel, exercise, bend, lift, etc

So as a team leader in my business I definitely feel terrible to stay behind and leave my team in Vegas without me. There are other leaders above me who will be great support to them, but it wont be the same. I had plans to take them to a team dinner, and lots of pictures.  Not happening this year.

The good news is, our annual event is EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!! So 365 days from now I'll be back and with my team!

I do have a rank advancing/promotion coming up so I will be heading to Laguna Beach on Beachbody's dime again :)   Our leadership conference is being held in Dana Point so I'm looking forward to that. It's in September!

I should be off travel restriction soon I hope. They monitor your ovaries, making sure they enlarge like they are suppose to & then go back down.

When they are enlarged you can twist or rupture them and that is what you don't want. That is why you treat yourself with tender care while on injections- if you get this far.

Injections also come with an added 10-20lbs- no joke.  So on the plus side this added weight that I can't exercise off just yet will not be seen in the photos this week in Vegas :)

All in all as bummed as I am to miss the 1X a year event, I realize my priority which is not work. Beachbody is my job. I chose to become a fitness coach and help others get healthy. I have a great success story having lost 70lbs, 15% bodyfat, and over 10 jeans sizes. I want nothing more than to help others do the same. I want to be with my team, and spoil them for all their hard work.  But for now that has to wait.

My priority is family. Bottom line. I have to fight much harder to have babies than the majority of the world does. Therefor I have to sacrifice a lot, which includes another very high priority which is Beachbody & my business. And each cycle you dont know if you'll get a positive results or a negative one. So yeah, it makes you want to just travel. Get your mind off things, look at what else you love most and for me that is my business. And OF COURSE.. I love to travel. Who doesn't?  I'd LOVE to be in Vegas again with everyone.  There are many team members of mine I have not met yet, whom I'd love to be there and finally meet. The good news is- there is next year!  There is leadership in Laguna later this year and there is DisneyWorld coming up in March!  Lots of added travel coming up :)

Hopefully all goes well and my priorities start to line up, and a family is headed my way.

If you are on these kinds of meds, be so very careful with your body. It's super gentle right now.

Injection hormones out of whack!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to just warn those of you who have to take injections... holy mother do they make you eat and your mind spin.

I'm never FULL EVER which is INSANE! I am trying to mentally wrap my mind around eating my 5 small meals that I'm used to everyday. I took myself to the store to buy extremely healthy whole foods and am working to get rid of all the crap that was in my house this weekend!!! I usually dont keep much junk but this weekend was different as we had visitors in town, and I usually get laid back with company and eat whatever is around.

But the injections had my head spinning. You get super tired, forgetful, you cry at nothing, and EAT! GRRRRRRRR just what I want right?!?!

I am STOKED for when I can get back to fitness and shrink down. I'm super puffy/ swollen etc right now. I feel like a pregnant girl. Hopefully this will be a dream come true soon!

Injections are a whole new world of medicine but they get the job done!

I woke up super depressed, having had a nightmare that Hal hated me. Just what I need while going through this journey right?! I did get up nice and early but wanted to stay in bed and hide from everything. I could feel the depression cloud smothering me, but I am slightly aware that I am pumped with a TON of medicine right now and that it's going to pay off soon :) It's hard on this end FOR SURE.

I mean... here you are... no baby... no guarantee of a baby...and you are going through A LOT to 'try' for that baby... but nothing is guaranteed. And if you get that baby...then you have to see about getting through the SAFE ZONE! Which means no miscarriage. This is nothing but SUPER STRESSFUL. Your faith has to be SO STRONG that the plan is laid out and that a family IS part of it, regardless of how you wanted that plan to go. Because I sure wanted 1 baby at the least on the way by the time I turned 30 and here I am 6 months away from 31 with no baby in sight.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just meant for multiples? Perhaps. One and done? Sure! Boy & Girl? bring it on! Triplets is not success in the world of the infertility docs. So twins will do. But one is good as well.

I was an only child half of my life and HATED it. I wanted badly to not be the only one and eventually I collected some siblings along the way. I do have older siblings as well, I just did not grow up with them. So I want my children to have siblings...2 total at the least 3 at max. Unless God has another plan and I wind up with 4-5 !!! I bet Hal would be just STOKED haha!!!  But in all honestly- this is not how I expected life to play out. I've gotten pregnant before on my own just fine, so this has throw the biggest curveball ever at me.

I know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.. but ummm I've fought a lot of obstacles in life and I'm ready to just rest and enjoy for a while...so this battle has thrown me so far off it's not even funny. In fact it's straight up sad. I do try my best to stay focused and stay positive. But these injections..whew!!!! Talk about a hormone hot mess I am right now. I'm probably best inside my house away from anyone else.

Now that I have healthy eats in the house I should be back under control here shortly with nutrition.

Mentally I like to exercise to keep sane... well all I can do right now is swim or walk. I'm waiting on whether we are moving or not here shortly to determine which pool I want to be connected to.

We found a house we love, it's very small though so there is a lot of concern there. I can't imagine having a family in this house, but we do love it. We shall see if it's what is meant to be.

If that is the case though- I will wait to get my pool pass from the Lombard pool rather than the Orland park pool.  Then I'll start swimming. I wonder if I can get my iPOD under water and still listen to it!??!?! Music helps me a TON!

What do you think tri-level home w/ finished basement-decent sized bedrooms and SMALL kitchen? OR one level home with big kitchen, big living room, decent bedrooms, and no basement? Both have 3 bedrooms... both have big back yards...

I'm trying to visualize a playroom, my office... etc  in the smaller house.... thoughts?! suggestions?! opinions?!

Big house is in the town we want to live in but on the wrong side of town, and little house is in a different town- close but not our town of choice. Of course little house is cheaper & very open... huge kitchen...  hmm decisions decisions

I also have a FULL workout room- weights, treadmill, elliptical, bars, bands etc etc Could I stash all of that plus playroom toys in a big living room with no other place to put it?!?!

Anyway- that's about it for now. Just dealing with crazy hormones, mentally, physically, and hopefully i'll get them under control soon.

Wish me luck that I'll have good news eventually.

Round 5, Exercise & MULTIPLES?!??!

We are starting a fresh new week! I am stoked to see what happens with the Rancic family this week! I hope good baby news!!!

Moving onto Round 5!

Yet again the doc was NOT happy with Femara/Letrozole.... and well I think round 5, perhaps this is round 6. Who knows I lost count.  Have I discussed Clomid yet?!

Okay let me sum it up!

So Dr Roth was NOT happy with the last round of 7.5 mg of Letrozole/Femara. It was my first IUI experience- which mind you I paid CASH for. You can't always get the procedure covered- you need a certain amount of good ovulation rounds and well lets face it- I RARELY get a good round.... my progesterone level came back at 4.5- honestly? What is the deal ? Why oh why is this happening to me!!!  He officially took me off Letrozole/Femara and moved me to Clomid- the high dose too! 150mg right away!!! It was bigger pills, and more!

We started the monitoring... the follicles... which are what are forced to grow- because without a mature follicle, the egg will be too small and if it releases- which it should-but with PCOS it doesn't always (enter in HCG shot). OF COURSE growth DID NOT happen. Why would it?!?!

So I went in on CD 14 it was Monday- I had just started Les Mills Pump the workout program! I was STOKED! I had graduated P90X that Friday before and now I was onto the next program. I had leaned out and felt great in this process. Honestly sweat is all I can do to keep me sane!!! It helps a TON!

I got my results that nothing was happening- the follicles were not growing... I sat in his office listening to his voice not happy about what he was seeing in the ultrasound shots and I was thinking ... dear lord why... so he looked up and said yeah... your body is not responding.  Okay doc so injections with IUI are next right?  (thinking in my mind this is what I'm going to hear....)   Dr. Roth looks up and says next up will be injections with IVF.  'Excuse me?! what?!' I nearly fell out of my chair- did I just hear him, did he just say IVF?!?! He meant IUI right?! It's Monday- we're tired. I get it. 'You meant IUI right?'
'No InVITRO Fertilization!'  'Are you okay w/ injection medicine?''  ummmm do I have a choice?

Seriously?!?!?! Am I SERIOUSLY at IN VITRO FERTILIZATION!?!?!??!

Is this REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!??!?!  

So I said 'perhaps my exercise is the reason this is failing...'  'Well what exactly do you do when you exercise?' he asked... 'Um I just graduated P90X.'  WHAT!!!!  He said no more exercise!!! I thought you were going to the gym and just doing some stuff...  'um EXCUSE me I'm a fitness coach...what do you think I am doing?!?!' HELLO!!! He totally knows what I do!!! So I am on exercise hault- I get 3X a week 30 min cardio... dear lord in heaven please oh PLEASE!!! I want my Turbo back!!! At least!!! I wanted to do PUMP so bad!!! I just wanna sweat!!!!! I miss weight lifting, I miss it all- hard as it is!!! I MISS IT!!!!

Okay I believe God has a plan and everything happens for a reason. I believe God answers EVERY prayer you ask of him... he wants the best for us all. Whatever your heart desires, he fufills.... SOOOOOO God what is GOING ON!?!?!??!

Yep... here we are IVF. Coming up on deck next!  The doc scrapped the rest of this cycle and is waiting for me to get a period to start fresh and do IVF.  Plus limited exercise :(
Perhaps God wants me to have more than 1 baby at once? Twins? Triplets? eeek that is something else!

I do not know what the plan for me is. I really dont. I wish I could read some book or see a video that shows me this part of my future.  This is super painful... it really is.

Nobody understands unless they have been in my shoes. Even Hal doesn't understand- he feels it- but he's not there with me for all the appointments. He is feeling it for sure.... he wants 2 babies so bad, 2 healthy babies- honestly boys if he could have it his way... That's all we ask- just 2 healthy babies please. is that too much to ask?  did we do something wrong in our life to get in this position? As if we have thousands of dollars on hand to afford these constant treatments.

Well here's to a successful IVF coming up!  I obviously will keep you posted as it begins! I believe 1st week in May we start. Exciting, Scary, all in one!

I pray nobody deals with this kind of pain EVER.