Now that you know what all this disease is about, you can sort of feel the depression level that kicked in when I found out infertility was in my future and honestly some never end up having babies, so really it's all an unknown for now. And you can also see that not only is PCOS an issue for infertility, but diseases like diabetes, heart etc can come of this. Isnt this getting more exciting?! NOT!!!!

Good thing I am in the fitness and health biz right!!! I have to take extra caution with myself, making sure I am eating clean and healthy 80-90% of the time and of course exercising.

October came and I miscarried. I then was told you are most fertile 3 months after a miscarriage, so my mind was focused and set to continue on this journey. Hal and I really wanted a summer due date. All of our families birthdays fall in the winter timeframe and the majority in December which becomes a busy cluster especially with Christmas and New Years.

We hoped for a summertime baby, to celebrate separate from all the other birthdays in the family. So naturally I felt pressure to make this happen quick so I could get a July, August, September due date. But as I learned how difficult this would be, I was even okay with October, November. Hal was to the point of I dont care when, as long as it happens and it's healthy. And that is the truth... with this disease, all that matters is that you get a healthy baby. The choice in due dates is truly out of question.

The doctor said all you need is a little push, you have a mild case of PCOS, no cysts so this is good. November started round 1 with Letrozole a generic form of Femara, we used 2.5mg to start. I was 'drunk' through the first round of meds thinking oh dear Lord please dont make me have to do this over and over again. This is horrible. I couldn't sleep, I saw blur, it wasn't pleasant.

How a round work is that you get medicine cycle day 3-7, you have to take 1-3 pills a day. CD3,9,12,14,17 you are in the doctors office getting monitored by ultrasound to see follicle growth. A follicle is where the egg is at, and it needs to grow to a good 2.0 CM to be mature enough to be fertilized and sustain a pregnancy. Generally a normal person will have this growth around CD12-13 which is about mid-way from your period. The eggs release once matured and ovulation takes place- which is that small 23% section of time anyone can get pregnant. So if you do NOT want to get pregnant, then AVOID this timeframe or use protection of course. If you DO, now you know your timeframe :) That is, if you are a normal person!

With my PCOS, this ovulation was taking place around CD 43 which is WAY LATE! Also with PCOS you dont necessarily ovulate. Eggs don't release, etc Many ladies affected by this disease struggle to even ovulate or get a period.

Once the doctor is happy with your follicle size growth the option to trigger ovulation starts. This is a nice large shot in your rear end of HCG! It's somewhat painful, and the first time I got it, I felt sick to my stomach. Adjusting to all these drugs is what was happening I'm guessing.

From there you go on to romance or perhaps IUI is what you need. After that the dreaded 2 week wait begins. If you are anxious you better get SUPER busy for these 2 weeks. They are NOT easy. A week after ovulation you go back to the doctor to check your progesterone level which they want to be 10 or higher. A week after that is your pregnancy test. And so finishes the cycle.

Did I mention EVERY SINGLE TIME you go to the doctor they take your blood? Yep- bloodwork EVERY SINGLE TIME. Isn't this awesome?

So round 1 of 2.5 Femara & HCG went bad. No success. Usually these days are when my anger level rise and a lot of negative kicks in. I probably workout 2 hours solid, lift heavier than you can imagine and throw punches like a big muscly dude who is after another. Thank God for TurboFire!!! www.lyndsiweisefitness.com --> check out TurboFire! Best Punch throwing, kicking, cardio dance party in town!

I think most can relate to the world of social media and crazy timing- when you get back from your bad news and you see a new post on Facebook that someone is pregnant. It's not that you are NOT HAPPY for them... that's not it. It's hard to explain, but hopefully this blog helps.

Imagine getting married, and naturally a couple babies will come, life will be hard as always, but wait- WHAT?! infertility is a part of this? You mean I have to PAY TO HAVE CHILDREN?

I have to WORK for them? It's not all fun and exciting? Imagine... just try to imagine how hard it gets.

So yes CD 1-3 is usually A LOT of anger, punching, kicking, screaming... you name it.

All you want to do is move forward and have your children young so you can run and enjoy them. Life is short after all. You want their grandparents to have time with them, and like I said Life is short... it can end in a second. This whole process SUCKS. No other words to describe it.

CD3 Round 2 comes, and Dr. Roth decides we are going to try 5MG of Femara (Letrozole) this time.

You know how the process works by now- ultrasound monitoring every other day, bloodwork, and a big old shot of HCG in the rear followed by romance, progesterone level check & a pregnancy test.

I personally have never even seen an at home positive pregnancy test- only through bloodwork have I ever had positive. And rumor has it, that CAN happen to MANY. So if you get negative, be sure to have bloodwork checked out as well if you dont get a period.

I think the worst on this journey is when you get told 'Dont worry about it' 'You need to relax' or 'it'll happen when it's time' 'Dont think about it'

REALLY?!??!?! You go to the doctor every other day, get monitored, get your bloodwork done, go through the WHOLE ROUND and tell me how to NOT think about it. It's IN YOUR FACE nonstop.

And you know it's BAD when the nurses, receptionists, and students in medical training know you by name! I walk in, and it's 'HI LYNDSI!!!' It's practically my 2nd home.

Those of you just starting this journey, unfortunately you are going to run into happy mothers to be at the doctors office- finding out if it's a boy or girl- finding out they are doing great- even walking around with the bump is annoying to see. But it's their time, so you deal and read a book or play with your smartphone while you wait to see the doctor.

I'd say it's pretty difficult to hear the heartbeats on the monitors too- it's loud and you can usually hear it out in the waiting room. So that is hard to deal with, but we just press forward.

Oh and this process works around your body- so if it's a holiday, you better believe you WILL be in the docs office if he needs to see you. I've gone in over Easter and New Years Day. These doctors are aggressive and show up at ALL TIMES. I definitely feel for their families, but I guess their families know exactly what they are apart of.

Back to round 2- It was 5 MG of Letrozole/Femara and was in December I believe. We headed out to DisneyWorld for my 30th Birthday. YEP that's right I was officially 30 years old with NO BABY on the way or in my hands. So of course I was FREAKING OUT!!! WHY AM I 30 with no baby on the way or in my hands yet?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHAT DID I EVER DO SO WRONG TO DESERVE THIS?!

These are typical questions that you'll ask- and ask- and ask- and ask!!! It's hard to accept that you did NOTHING wrong.

Sadly there are drug addicts, unappreciate women, drunks, abusive-anger people who have babies like it's nothing.

Of COURSE you are wondering WHY GOD?! WHY not give the drunks, and the abusers the diseases so it's hard for them to have children? WHY let those children enter into such a hard life when there are women who would pay ANYTHING, give ANYTHING to have a baby and would care for it, love it, raise it without suffering.

I dont have this answer. If you do- please feel free to share. I can't figure out why!!

Children are a blessing in your life- and you should appreciate every SINGLE moment you have with them. Life is TOO short and some can't even have children. So appreciate that you are blessed being able to naturally have them and not have to work hard, or walk through this fire to get them.

So where was I before I got on that rabbit trail of frustration....

Round 1- progesterone came back 7.7 and negative test

Round 2- progesterone came back around 6 and negative test

I was starting to get used to the bad news, and my expectations that 'THIS' is the round were slowly falling down. Which was a good thing because you can't expect ANYTHING in this journey.

You're always on call, you never know when you need to get in, things come up... there is ALWAYS something new that happens. Be ready for constant change... after all the only thing constant in life is change!

I swear every round I would get something new that would just SHOCK me and make me go back home... thinking SERIOUSLY?! This is seriously my life? And so would start the 'what did I do to deserve this?'

A nice thing is you will find MANY around you do go through this journey. Some faster, some longer, most have success though so you can get excited and have hope.

Onward to round 3! 7.5 MG of Letrozole (femara) the highest we can go! Now this round MUST be it!