Round 4 Begins

Going through this journey is like riding a roller coaster. There is ups there is downs there is that part where you are waiting to get off and sitting still, waiting for your protective chest piece to lift up with the machine so you can be free and move onto to the next step. I think waiting is probably the HARDEST part- and not knowing. Like if you ride some roller coasters you go through pitch black tunnels and have no clue if you're going upside down, on the side, straight, straight down in a big dip, maybe even a steep dip. It's pitch black so you're clueless as to when and what is up next.

That pretty much describes infertility. You have NO CLUE. Even doctor's can't figure it all out. We are a big puzzle they are trying to put the pieces together on.

Generally in this situation it starts with using Clomid, the old fashioned medicine most start at 50MG and go up to 150MG and go 3-6 rounds of trying with the medicine. Then normally you move to Letrozole/Femara 2.5mg, 5 mg, and 7.5mg 3 rounds, IUI comes into play with these meds (more on that later) if all of this fails you go to injectables (YAY more NEEDLES!!!) and the KING of all treatments IVF! InVitroFertilization! Bring on the twins or triplets! Do you remember Kate plus 8?! YUP! Sextuplets is right! YIKES!

So ladies on this infertility journey- do you ever question why God chose YOU for this journey? Why he wants YOU to be the STRONG one?! Because honestly that is what YOU ARE. We are SO STRONG for going on this ride in life.

It's hard because, it's all mechnical- it's not fun- it's not how a normal couple 'makes' a baby. Ya know? It turns into chemistry, literally!!!

It REALLY is a miracle to have a baby. Those of you who can NATURALLY pull it off, and dont even think TWICE... I hope you APPRECIATE your babies MORE THAN LIFE and give them the world!

I have to work EXTREMELY HARD, be VERY PATIENT & STRONG to have my babies- if I even get to ever have them. I'm sorry to say I do not have an end to this journey as of yet... I'm still on the Rollercoaster riding & waiting & riding & waiting.... it's NOT EASY!

So Round 4 began and it was 7.5 mg Letrozole (Femara) All the monitoring and bloodwork was coming back with AMAZING results... my body was responding like it should and all my tests were coming back with great numbers. We go to the progesterone test and it came back 9.5!!! I was STOKED. My hopes were SO HIGH! I had Hal go with me to the pregnancy test appointment, because in case it was a positive we wanted to go celebrate at dinner. So we go to the appointment and sure enough ... negative was the result. I think I was SO angry... in fact I KNOW IT. I was so upset. I could barely check out of the appointment. I ran out the door, go in my car and drove home in tears. Basically leaving Hal hanging... i mean he knew I was upset and we were in separate cars.

I was done. I was over it. I was spent. I was fuming. I was ready to punch out anyone or anything that got in my way. I got home that day and got an invite to a baby shower... talk about TIMING. How do I go to a baby shower, celebrating, being happy... when deep down I am dying inside and struggling? Isn't that unfair to the mother to be? I would think so. In fact I do think so. Many would say I am jealous... I guess that could be it. I dont know. I dont know if jealous is the right word. Because my anger isn't directed at those who get this part of life EASY. That's not it. It's more of a battle with God I think. After all he's the one who creates these miracle blessings. No matter the feelings- when you are getting pumped with hormones and ughh I can't even describe it all... its just bad and sometimes you're better off just in your house away from it all.

I'm a fitness coach- that is my job. I LOVE to motivate others, I LOVE helping others get health and fit- in shape-lose weight you name it. I'm also a business builder. I help others grow their businesses. It's not easy when one part of your life you want SO BADLY to work out keeps standing still. Perhaps it's the time I'm meant for right now, so I do try my best to continue to be positive and motivating and the REAL Lyndsi that I am. That is why I am blogging because it helps me get through the rough patches. Life isn't perfect! I think we ALL know this!

Ready to hear about Round 5?! Bring it on!