Etiquette- Do's & Don'ts & a look inside PCOS emotions

Here is some thoughts to read on if you THINK you understand Infertility but YOU DONT suffer from it!

Infertility Etiquette

Read and DO!

And please next time you judge that fat girl laced with acne on her face, hair falling out, and if you get close enough to see facial hair WATCH yourself- Those are ALL part of this NASTY disease that THEY CANNOT HELP!!!   It's all in the hormone mix!

do you want to understand what a girl with PCOS deals with?! Do you want to see how painful it is?

Watch this.....  copy & paste the link!

http://youtu.be/rM4nIYvZ7sU

This is exactly what its like.... a roller coaster that we can only one day hope ends happy & soon!


That's all for today!

IVF Broken Down

Lets talk about how IVF works, prices, process, percentages etc etc You get where I'm going with this!

This link pretty much sums it all up! Click to read if you choose IVF DETAILS!

A couple pieces that stand out to me... 

30-35% chance!

Big Risk is MULTIPLES!!!!

10lb weight gain in 3-5 days- REALLY?! Give me a break!

Sedation at the Egg Retrieval??? yikes!  Seems I'll be in the hospital or doc's office for most of the day when that happens. I better make sure my phone is charged!!!  Potential Bed Rest?! THIS GIRL!?!? Do they know I live and breathe fitness?!?!?!!!

Injections can be 1-4 a day for up to 10 days!!!!

More monitoring with IVF/Injections..basically I have to go to doc every day/other day depending. 

OOOH exciting!  My home away from home

Embryo's can be frozen for future babies....  Dear Lord I'll take 2 healthy twins or triplets- 1 and done!

I read there is a 25% chance for twins, 15% for triplets but higher for 1!

Miscarriage occurs 15% of the time- not cool.

Progesterone supps may come alone... hmmm hopefully they are the KEY!

PRICE!!!!  Highest is $15K lowest is $7500!  Insurance DOES cover THANK GOD!!!
Payment plans are available, I want to say coverage is usually 50-80% and these totals do include EVERYTHING.  Now $7500 is likely JUST the IVF section, not the daily ultrasound monitoring, bloodwork, injection meds, HCG shot, progesterone ETC!

good lawd! 

This is me being optimistic!  It's worth it right!!!! 

Okay so fill me in on your thoughts about IVF, experiences, and wish me luck.  It's coming up SOON!

Happy Infertility Awareness Week... I think...

Exciting News Gives Hope!

Well I thought I'd be writing about this TOMORROW but since they decided to release their news early I am SO excited to write that Giuliana and Bill Rancic are having a baby!!!!!

I have been watching these guys for YEARS!!! I have prayed for them like crazy!!!! I know exactly what they are going through- but not ALL of it-cancer was quite the curveball she was thrown. Scary stuff!!!

I am soooo happy to hear their good news that the are FINALLY having a baby!!!! They are having one through a gestational carrier, because Giuliana is unable to hold a baby, take on the fertility medicine with having just gotten rid of cancer.

Check out People.com, or twitter for all the deets- the video of when they got the news!!!!  They have a little one due here in late summer.

So lets see... this leaves me still left but this also gives me hope... since IVF is up next and if that fails, I guess I do have another option :)  Crazy as it may be... we shall see what the future holds for us.

It also happens to be infertility awareness week- crazy timing right?!?! I read this article today:

http://fitbottomedmamas.com/2012/04/lets-talk-about-the-hard-stuff-national-infertility-awareness-week/

Still can't believe I'm on of these people. I wake up somedays thinking... it's a joke right?! This isn't really happening right?!?!

But here's the thing... if you know me- I am a PROACTIVE-GO GETTER!!! I dont own my own successful business for NOTHING!!! I WORK HARD, I walk through FIRES like none other. I've walked through MANY so far. The curveballs I've been thrown have been unreal, but I've also been blessed with a pretty awesome life if I must say so :)  Can't complain!!! Just wanna have some littles to join this world and complete it!!!  That being said- I think we ALL know I will likely walk through whatever FIRE i have to to get them here...  Is Hal reading this?! ha!!! He wants some littles too- so I'm gonna speak for him and say he's on board with me!

We will get there... we may have to fight and walk through a lot of fire. But we will not let this disease own us. I wont anyway...  I'm going to have negative days... it is what it is- rollercoaster- no getting around that.  So I will have my days- but I likely wont stop- I wont stop till I'm dead. I'm pretty sure of it.

I hope Hal is ready :)  He's worked hard all his life and now he's experiencing a crazy journey in life with the cards we've been handed.   Makes you appreciate your kids A WHOLE LOT MORE!

Those of you who have them- take care of them, don't abuse them, don't take advantage of them, they are a blessing and deserve the best.  Dont EVER look at them like they invaded your time, your life etc  I have had to work SO hard to get some, and still dont have any. Know how blessed you are to be naturally given one, two, three or however many you have.

That is all for today.

Round 5, Exercise & MULTIPLES?!??!

We are starting a fresh new week! I am stoked to see what happens with the Rancic family this week! I hope good baby news!!!

Moving onto Round 5!

Yet again the doc was NOT happy with Femara/Letrozole.... and well I think round 5, perhaps this is round 6. Who knows I lost count.  Have I discussed Clomid yet?!

Okay let me sum it up!

So Dr Roth was NOT happy with the last round of 7.5 mg of Letrozole/Femara. It was my first IUI experience- which mind you I paid CASH for. You can't always get the procedure covered- you need a certain amount of good ovulation rounds and well lets face it- I RARELY get a good round.... my progesterone level came back at 4.5- honestly? What is the deal ? Why oh why is this happening to me!!!  He officially took me off Letrozole/Femara and moved me to Clomid- the high dose too! 150mg right away!!! It was bigger pills, and more!

We started the monitoring... the follicles... which are what are forced to grow- because without a mature follicle, the egg will be too small and if it releases- which it should-but with PCOS it doesn't always (enter in HCG shot). OF COURSE growth DID NOT happen. Why would it?!?!

So I went in on CD 14 it was Monday- I had just started Les Mills Pump the workout program! I was STOKED! I had graduated P90X that Friday before and now I was onto the next program. I had leaned out and felt great in this process. Honestly sweat is all I can do to keep me sane!!! It helps a TON!

I got my results that nothing was happening- the follicles were not growing... I sat in his office listening to his voice not happy about what he was seeing in the ultrasound shots and I was thinking ... dear lord why... so he looked up and said yeah... your body is not responding.  Okay doc so injections with IUI are next right?  (thinking in my mind this is what I'm going to hear....)   Dr. Roth looks up and says next up will be injections with IVF.  'Excuse me?! what?!' I nearly fell out of my chair- did I just hear him, did he just say IVF?!?! He meant IUI right?! It's Monday- we're tired. I get it. 'You meant IUI right?'
'No InVITRO Fertilization!'  'Are you okay w/ injection medicine?''  ummmm do I have a choice?

Seriously?!?!?! Am I SERIOUSLY at IN VITRO FERTILIZATION!?!?!??!

Is this REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!??!?!  

So I said 'perhaps my exercise is the reason this is failing...'  'Well what exactly do you do when you exercise?' he asked... 'Um I just graduated P90X.'  WHAT!!!!  He said no more exercise!!! I thought you were going to the gym and just doing some stuff...  'um EXCUSE me I'm a fitness coach...what do you think I am doing?!?!' HELLO!!! He totally knows what I do!!! So I am on exercise hault- I get 3X a week 30 min cardio... dear lord in heaven please oh PLEASE!!! I want my Turbo back!!! At least!!! I wanted to do PUMP so bad!!! I just wanna sweat!!!!! I miss weight lifting, I miss it all- hard as it is!!! I MISS IT!!!!

Okay I believe God has a plan and everything happens for a reason. I believe God answers EVERY prayer you ask of him... he wants the best for us all. Whatever your heart desires, he fufills.... SOOOOOO God what is GOING ON!?!?!??!

Yep... here we are IVF. Coming up on deck next!  The doc scrapped the rest of this cycle and is waiting for me to get a period to start fresh and do IVF.  Plus limited exercise :(
Perhaps God wants me to have more than 1 baby at once? Twins? Triplets? eeek that is something else!

I do not know what the plan for me is. I really dont. I wish I could read some book or see a video that shows me this part of my future.  This is super painful... it really is.

Nobody understands unless they have been in my shoes. Even Hal doesn't understand- he feels it- but he's not there with me for all the appointments. He is feeling it for sure.... he wants 2 babies so bad, 2 healthy babies- honestly boys if he could have it his way... That's all we ask- just 2 healthy babies please. is that too much to ask?  did we do something wrong in our life to get in this position? As if we have thousands of dollars on hand to afford these constant treatments.

Well here's to a successful IVF coming up!  I obviously will keep you posted as it begins! I believe 1st week in May we start. Exciting, Scary, all in one!

I pray nobody deals with this kind of pain EVER.

Sharing your story is POWERFUL Rancics

Do you watch Giuliana and Bill? You should! Especially if you are dealing with Infertility!

That woman is STRONGER than EVER! Can you imagine? She has NO known cause for her infertility! Can you IMAGINE?! She's been through I want to say a round or 2 of IVF already and still no baby! Then to find CANCER!?!? REALLY!??!

Their show is SO inspiring to watch and I thank them for showing America their personal life. I learned tonight that there is another way to have a baby if you cannot physically do it!

Let the tears flow down my face now.......

They make life so fun and happy even though they are struggling and yearning for a couple babies.

You get to a point where you tell the doctor- I WILL TAKE MULTIPLES. I do NOT CARE! Bring it ON!!!! I'm SURE Bill & Giuliana got to that point. Hal and I have been at that point for a LONG time. We thought we'd be MUCH further along on this journey..and well sorry I have no news to share.

Tonight they showed their doctor telling them that Giuliana CANNOT get pregnant for the next 5-7 years because of the cancer she has!! While it's being removed and she will be fine- to take on medicine-estrogen- all the fertility drugs we have to take to have babies could increase her cancer which is unsafe for her. She is already 37 and REALLY wants her babies ! I remember watching the cancer story unfold and thought to myself OMG what if that happens to me too?! How will this ever work?! I couldn't sleep that day. I remember it clearly.

BUT tonight they introduced yet ANOTHER option, I'm not sure I got what its called correct I want to say gestestional carrier (sp?) seriously I could look it up online right now!!! Anyway so what happens is they will take her egg fertilized and put it into another woman. This woman has had credit, home, doctor, health, business, checks- all the homework complete.

How scary is it to think you are giving your egg to another woman to grow your child for you?! SCARY! But oh so exciting for them!!!! Talk about giving even ME hope!!! However I am NOT in the same shoes as they are. Nothing better- Nothing worse.

Just so nice to have someone to connect to. It was her goal to inspire other women, or give them hope and that is EXACTLY what she has done! So again thank you for sharing your story with America.

I am hoping my story will help at least one person who has to go down this horrible journey.

God is testing me for sure. It's my job to sit back and let him guide, and attempt to pass this test.

Honestly, I'm gonna do it because I'm a fighter and I have no choice but to do it. BUT dang God can a girl get a break already?!

Shout out to the Rancic Family for sharing their story and to Chicagoland! You know that's where Bill is from?! Side note- he's an amazing business builder, and I like to build businesses so that's a plus too! They DESERVE a family!

I hope by the end of this season they have POSITIVE- HAPPY NEWS!!!! I look forward to it.

You see how this works now? Those of you who don't understand what this infertility life is like? We are not jealous people. We don't want any baby but our own. We don't have ANY clue if we will EVER have one. We fight DAILY, and WORK extra hard to have them. We pay a lot of money and always bad news. God only knows why we are dealt these cards. They are horrible.

I wish I knew what it was like to just go through life, easy breezy- what I can do is just laugh my way through this. Laugh, live, smile, and do my best to keep pressing on. They say life is short. Hopefully this part of it will end soon.

Round 4 Begins

Going through this journey is like riding a roller coaster. There is ups there is downs there is that part where you are waiting to get off and sitting still, waiting for your protective chest piece to lift up with the machine so you can be free and move onto to the next step. I think waiting is probably the HARDEST part- and not knowing. Like if you ride some roller coasters you go through pitch black tunnels and have no clue if you're going upside down, on the side, straight, straight down in a big dip, maybe even a steep dip. It's pitch black so you're clueless as to when and what is up next.

That pretty much describes infertility. You have NO CLUE. Even doctor's can't figure it all out. We are a big puzzle they are trying to put the pieces together on.

Generally in this situation it starts with using Clomid, the old fashioned medicine most start at 50MG and go up to 150MG and go 3-6 rounds of trying with the medicine. Then normally you move to Letrozole/Femara 2.5mg, 5 mg, and 7.5mg 3 rounds, IUI comes into play with these meds (more on that later) if all of this fails you go to injectables (YAY more NEEDLES!!!) and the KING of all treatments IVF! InVitroFertilization! Bring on the twins or triplets! Do you remember Kate plus 8?! YUP! Sextuplets is right! YIKES!

So ladies on this infertility journey- do you ever question why God chose YOU for this journey? Why he wants YOU to be the STRONG one?! Because honestly that is what YOU ARE. We are SO STRONG for going on this ride in life.

It's hard because, it's all mechnical- it's not fun- it's not how a normal couple 'makes' a baby. Ya know? It turns into chemistry, literally!!!

It REALLY is a miracle to have a baby. Those of you who can NATURALLY pull it off, and dont even think TWICE... I hope you APPRECIATE your babies MORE THAN LIFE and give them the world!

I have to work EXTREMELY HARD, be VERY PATIENT & STRONG to have my babies- if I even get to ever have them. I'm sorry to say I do not have an end to this journey as of yet... I'm still on the Rollercoaster riding & waiting & riding & waiting.... it's NOT EASY!

So Round 4 began and it was 7.5 mg Letrozole (Femara) All the monitoring and bloodwork was coming back with AMAZING results... my body was responding like it should and all my tests were coming back with great numbers. We go to the progesterone test and it came back 9.5!!! I was STOKED. My hopes were SO HIGH! I had Hal go with me to the pregnancy test appointment, because in case it was a positive we wanted to go celebrate at dinner. So we go to the appointment and sure enough ... negative was the result. I think I was SO angry... in fact I KNOW IT. I was so upset. I could barely check out of the appointment. I ran out the door, go in my car and drove home in tears. Basically leaving Hal hanging... i mean he knew I was upset and we were in separate cars.

I was done. I was over it. I was spent. I was fuming. I was ready to punch out anyone or anything that got in my way. I got home that day and got an invite to a baby shower... talk about TIMING. How do I go to a baby shower, celebrating, being happy... when deep down I am dying inside and struggling? Isn't that unfair to the mother to be? I would think so. In fact I do think so. Many would say I am jealous... I guess that could be it. I dont know. I dont know if jealous is the right word. Because my anger isn't directed at those who get this part of life EASY. That's not it. It's more of a battle with God I think. After all he's the one who creates these miracle blessings. No matter the feelings- when you are getting pumped with hormones and ughh I can't even describe it all... its just bad and sometimes you're better off just in your house away from it all.

I'm a fitness coach- that is my job. I LOVE to motivate others, I LOVE helping others get health and fit- in shape-lose weight you name it. I'm also a business builder. I help others grow their businesses. It's not easy when one part of your life you want SO BADLY to work out keeps standing still. Perhaps it's the time I'm meant for right now, so I do try my best to continue to be positive and motivating and the REAL Lyndsi that I am. That is why I am blogging because it helps me get through the rough patches. Life isn't perfect! I think we ALL know this!

Ready to hear about Round 5?! Bring it on!

Round 3 Starts

We got home from DisneyWorld about 1 week before Christmas. I had my appointment to go to get my pregnancy test. My temperature was super high and not dropping. (Your temp WILL drop if you are NOT pregnant. If it stays HIGH for over 18 days after Ovulation then you ARE indeed pregnant)

So of course I was expecting a positive result because my temp was HIGH. I was burning up the whole time in Disney which was weird for me. Normally I am FREEZING!

We were excited because we could share with our family on Christmas some positive news.

WELL of course it was over expectation again that kicked into high gear and so went on a negative result. Another 3 days filled with anger. I was in charge of hosting Christmas too, so you can imagine how excited I was about that. NOT!

My nutrition had fallen apart. I could barely think straight, I was exhausted and depressed. I slept for hours upon hours. I was an insomniac, so technically- I would be up a lot of the night and then I would finally fall asleep and sleep for nearly 12 hours. Some say you do that to just de-stress, it's a way to get away from everything- sleeping. I'd let days waste away. I worked, I put in time, and I did exercise. I never stopped that. It was my saving grace for my sanity!!! But nutrition- definitely got the back burner. SO honestly, I'd say I probably gained weight even though I was exercising. Nutrition is 80% of your fitness success. Plus with fertility medicine you dont know how much weight you gain from that alone.

Round 3 started with 7.5 mg Letrozole (Femara) We were in the doctor's office for monitoring on New Years DAY! I had maybe 4 hours of sleep. I couldn't believe it. This round included no trigger shot. Sometimes our body will release all on its own, and sometimes it needs the shot to help give it a push. This round my body did NOT need the HCG shot. Same routine took place, got to the progesterone level, and it was .058!!! Honestly!?!?! What is UP BODY?!

So basically I have low progesterone, my follicles do not grow, and eggs do not release. All 3 pieces are a MUST to have a baby. AWESOME. JUST AWESOME. Results came back negative of course, this was expected. I knew something was so off, my temp had not spiked and my temp should spike once the ovulation takes place- because progesterone kicks in and that always makes you warm. Finally the temp spiked and I just let the cycle take it's course knowing it was going to be a negative result.

I actually was NOT angry this time. I knew it was bad, I knew it wasn't going to be positive. Of course I thought, well God if you want a miracle to happen then you'll show me with this crazy round.

It was time for round 4 and the due date dream we had for summer time was gone at this point we were looking at October 31st! Naturally that brought excitement to me just because I visioned fun halloween birthday parties. More on Round 4 in the next post!