14 weeks!

Happy 14weeks!

Well to me and the twins anyway :)

I'm officially in 2nd trimester! WOOT WOOT!

I'm feeling a bit better. Still got medicine in case I get sick. Still taking naps.

The bump has set in too! It's not too big, but it's enough for me to not fit in other clothes anymore.

Currently I'm working with 4 dresses. Perhaps I need to shop?

I got a little doppler to hear their heartbeats when I want. Little did I know they are SOOOO deep and hard to get to!  I've heard one here and there. I think they move around too much. I think I can hear it maybe 10 seconds and then off they go.

I'm starting to have a little tailbone pain when I sit too long... perhaps where the are at right now is affecting my tailbone? I'm not sure yet.

But I'll be into the doc on Monday for a check up to see whats going on with them.

No ultrasound- that's coming up in a couple weeks! We get to see what they are :)

Yep, that's right- we plan to find out!

I managed to start registration. I got the cribs, and dressers picked out. The Carseats and Stroller (S)

YAH I need 2!  The 1st couple months I'll need a frame piece to help me with carrying 2 car seats so the Double Snap N Go has to go on the list! However I am trying to do some consignment shopping for it, so I can get it used.  I seriously will be done with it within 2-4 months!

After Strollers, CarSeats, and Cribs I needed a nap.  I'll go back to work on more later. Niki is going to help me figure a lot out. THANK GOD! Buy Buy Baby is one overwhelming place!

We're heading out to Arizona next week for a week! Should be nice. I'm looking forward to the change of pace. The 1st trimester was very groundhog day style for me.  Wake up, sick, tired, fight the sick, not wanna eat, but eat, eating crap because healthy food makes me gag, so did the crap though!!! Then going back to sleep. AHHHH the joys of the 1st trimester!  Seriously though, I started to feel guilty because I want to have the littles here so bad and this is part of the process!

Now I'm embracing 2nd trimester, starting to enjoy everything, getting excited for the upcoming months!  I love Fall, and the holidays are always great!!!

We're expected to be moved into our new home by November!  Thank God because I imagine with twins I might start nesting early on!!  Lord knows they're going to arrive early on!

Here's a picture of me- 14 wks right before I got my hair done! AHHH to be human again! Fresh Color, Fresh Cut! I feel MUCH better!!!

More updates to come on the Weise Twins growth soon!

Support

A lot of ladies have NO CLUE they have PCOS. I mean A LOT!

If you come even remotely CLOSE to the symptoms of PCOS you need to get support if you're struggling!

I find a lot of support in the Facebook world- and I wanted to encourage you to reach out and find a great support group.

There is nothing like having that support of others who understand exactly what you're going through.

This disease has no cure right now... all we can do is maintain it.  It's awful. No one deserves it- but it's here and we have to deal with it.

Especially if you're the type who worked so hard on your career, followed the rules- got married- then comes babies- and all the sudden 2 years pass and every home pregnancy test comes back negative and your period is all over the place. Hair growing all over you in bad areas- chin, upper lip, back- just SO random and awkward. The ZITS! omg! WHo wants to be an adult with ZITS?! YAY for high testosterone!

This can make you HATE yourself! And you shouldn't!  This is just a disease you have to fight.

I fought to lose a ton of weight and that helped tremendously! I know weight gain is all part of this as well, it's something you can't help.  I would say adding a solid nutrition plan to your life and exercise would help counteract this a TON! But I get it- not everyone gets past this.

Mentally- oh my- mentally you are all screwed up! Especially when you're starting to try to conceive. The world gets SO DARK and you crawl into this hole because nobody understands. Not even your hubs gets it!

I want to encourage you to reach out to a support group- whether it's live, in person, on facebook, twitter etc.    It'll help you SO MUCH!  Others who understand what you're going through- there's nothing like it! Plus! You make new friends!!!

That's all for now- hopefully I have my treatments updates here for you soon

Ladies Take Note

Doctors say if you're coming up on 30 or older and you aren't close to the whole marriage/family process. Perhaps you're big into your career. They suggested that you get eggs frozen in case you are one of the females who will suffer infertility.

Eggs diminish the older you get- late in your 30's and early 40's!

This isn't the case with everyone, but it's something to think real hard about.

I always wanted at least one baby by 30.   Had I not gotten married earlier, I'm not sure what would be going through my head.  Because generally you get married- then have a baby about a year or 2 later.

If you get married late in life- what do you do?

Just making the ladies out there whom are waiting, whom have no idea if they suffer infertility or not- making them aware of their options to have a family when that time comes.

It'd help you avoid a lot of pain and hurt to know you froze eggs that will be good to use :)

40% chance of success doing that as you get older.

Check in with your doctor.

I have a great doctor that of course I would refer in a second if you live near me. I highly recommend. I even have a 2nd doctor that I use as well because of Insurance I have to balance the 2 docs. Both are great docs.

I hear some stories and it scares me to think what some of these doctors are doing. It's so different from what I do.  just scary for the lady.

The female reproductive system is crazy- you only get 20% chance to have a baby each month while trying. It can take you years, or it could be easy as pie.  You never know. But if you have a deep burning desire to have babies one day and are no where near working on that option than def freeze up your eggs.

And if you have PCOS, Endo etc DEF FREEZE EGGS!!!! It'll help you tremendously!!!

The Chaos of the day

Today was scheduled for my HCG shot. I had to take it between 7-9AM.
Hal was suppose to give it to me. I had the directions, I had watched the video on how to give this shot. I had the medicine, the needles etc etc

Well Hal got called into work at 7AM so he was out to help me. His mom whom was visiting with us and a nurse was willing to help but she had left yesterday for vacation.

We asked our family friend to help- she's a nurse so we thought it'd be perfect!

I got up and left the house at 6:45AM so get to her house around 7:30 for my shot before she left for work.  I got to her house, rang the bell, came inside with my medicine, only to find out that the bottle of medicine had been broken. Here I was with 1.5 hours of time to take this shot and a broken bottle of medicine. NOW WHAT?

She told me to get to my doctor ASAP.

I called in the emergency line to get help for a new prescription. They sent me down another 30 minutes or so to pick up this prescription. I finally got my hands on new meds by 8:30AM and was out $200.00! When my original was covered 100% by insurance.

The doc asked that I come into the office for the shot now that I was strapped for time to get it done.

Did you ever realize how crazy infertility really is? it's all time sensitive- your body- your meds- your procedures- everything works around a specific time and NO you can't pick the time. Your body picks it.

You get calls DAILY in the afternoon after you have bloodwork done which is every other day- and they give you updates on how much medicine to take and at what time to take it.... talk about a '2nd job!'

So finally by 9am I got to the hospital where they helped give me the shot. I was told this was a FIRST! Never have any patients ever had a broken bottle of medicine!!!   I said hopefully this is the only fluke for this cycle!

I finally got home around 11am. So tired after nearly putting in 100 miles first thing this morning.  I did get frustrated and nearly cried to the answering service who couldn't figure out if this was an emergency or not. (IDIOTS)

I know I am pumped with a TON of hormones right now... so my moods are crazy. I'm super hungry. I'm puffier than ever. Everything is bloated out. it's great.

I can only hope that it pays off and soon!

Do you KNOW HOW HARD it is to be a FITNESS coach and be GROWING w/out a BABY inside?!?!?  IT BLOWS!!!! It SUCKS!!!

Learn from me- check all your meds when you are getting them shipped to your house from the special pharmacies. You just NEVER EVER KNOW!!!!

I pray all of this stress soon pays off and I get a healthy baby or 2.

CYCLE CHANGE WHAT?!

TMI- fair warning!!! Stop reading now if you dont wanna know.

After the HSG I went home with some discomfort and was told I might see some discharge from the ink/dye and/or blood. But a light amount.

Well Sunday night a HUGE flow hit and I was like okay fair enough this is from the HSG. Fast Forward to today and I was like okay for real I still have a lot of this going on.

I called into the doc that I am now working with for the IVF/Injection procedure and they had me come in right away for an ultrasound to see what was going on. So I headed out to the doctor this afternoon and sure enough it looks as if my period is here.

Holy confusion batman!!! I swore it came on May 1st! Isn't this disease AWESOME!?!?! Apparently it's here now. They did run blood to be 100% sure that is correct. I will find out tomorrow for sure.

In the meantime they started me on my new meds- Clomid and then Gonadotrophins, also known as injections!  Oh yes. I got sent home with a DVD explaining how to give myself shots. Exciting isn't it?!
I can't wait to stick myself daily with some medicine.

But when all is said & done if a healthy baby or 2 comes out of this, then it'll be well worth it.

For now I'll leave you with this video that hopefully helps you get the idea of what goes through the mind of a person dealing with infertility. Not every single thing she writes does go through our mind but most of these do.

Mother's Day

I'm not gonna lie mothers day should be good, but it's kinda hard. It doesn't help that I'm in the midst of a detox and DYING for my everyday nutrition menu again.

Being on social media is hard a lot, it's tons and tons of happy pregnancy, baby picture, family picture posts and it's really hard. REALLY HARD. But who can blame everyone. I imagine I'd be doing the same thing if I was blessed to have a child.

The detox mixed with mothers day and infertility is NO BUENO!!!!

Hal and I talked a lot about what happens if I never have kids. I refuse to hear it. I refuse to even think that is the case. I fully believe I'm meant to have children in my life. I can't help but wonder if maybe God doesn't want me to have them... but I'm pretty sure he keeps his promises and he does.

Rough day. Not much else to say.

Good Night

HSG

Today has been REAL interesting.  Enough that I can write yet again!

I spoke about the HSG yesterday and never really explained what exactly it was.

So check it out  HSG

The doctor required it as does my insurance so lucky me. I get to have my own doctor do it. He requested I come to the hospital tomorrow for the procedure. I hear it's painful. I'm not excited. But I'll do what I have to, to have a family.

I was talking to the Verizon Wireless Rep and he wished me a Happy Mother's Day. NOT COOL! I understand the kindness but NOT COOL!  Thanks for that reminder!!!!  It's hard- I'd say it's best to not say anything at all. You never know what someone is going through and you can judge or assume.

It's a struggle like I've said,  I get a lot of people who tell ME first they are prego. It's like what do I have 'PLEASE TELL ME!!' plastered to my head?!?!

I understand that excitement for sure. I will be the SAME way when my day comes.  So I try to be happy and excited and ignore the fact that this is reality for me and IVF is waiting.

I told you yesterday that I cannot travel during these procedures because of blood flow, sitting too long, and all the monitoring. So the decision now is do I wait a month and travel or do I cancel my traveling?!

I want badly to be there for my team, for the pictures, and the memories. This is really difficult for me believe it or not.

With this disease you never know if a round is going to work or not. You never know if you're body is going to develop cysts that will scrap your round or if it will work.

I love being in the unknown. NOT!

I'm trying to enjoy this journey... really I am.

I was just thinking about how exercise has been cut from me yet I need to exercise. So I was thinking I could swim this summer. It's different, slow paced, or fast if I choose and I bet it wont affect my body! That's something to look forward to :)

Anyway- happy mothers day to those who are and those who are not keep pressing forward, one day it'll be for you too.

Unexpected Updates

Let me start out by saying HEALTH INSURANCE SUCKS!

The day I was getting started with my round of Injections/IVF the doc called for pre-approval of everything by insurance.

Now lets talk about insurance.... I own my own business which basically tells you I dont have insurance. Small biz life!  It's bittersweet! I do love it though!

Hal put me on his insurance and to make it cost efficient as he does work for a small biz too. We had been on a flexible spending/savings because naturally we're young healthy people right?

HA!!!! Talk about a change!!!  Who ever knew this disease would come to me. Well I guess I've had it forever, but you know what I mean. I just found out about it at 29 yrs old practically 30. Scary huh?

Well when open enrollment took place we decided to go with the HMO plan... note to self... when you are not healthy... choose PPO.

Fast forward back to the day of insurance pre-approval before Injections began.  I got a call that my doctor could NOT do the procedures on me, that the insurance company had sub-contracted out all IVF/Injection procedures to a new facility. REALLY?

You mean to tell me the doctor that I specifically changed my insurance for CANT even treat me now?

We have been trying to fight it... but in the meantime I'm meeting the new doctor next week and I guess preparing for procedures with him.

I had to go in and get some paperwork/updated charts from my doc. The good news is he can treat me once I am successfully pregnant. So that is nice to know, and really I can't complain... i could not have insurance at all.

But COME ON!!! I switched JUST to have this doc. I lost all my other doctors. Can you imagine?! After going through cycle after cycle....

My doc wants to know everything going on so that is good to know.

Everything happens for a reason right?!  They say you're go through a super dark valley in life before the sun shines....  I am DEF in that valley. Been here too long....I hope the sun will shine soon.

In the meantime I am doing a Detox. It's a 21 day Vegetarian moved into Vegan style. Lots of great clean whole foods in it. You never go hungry! But it helps to release the toxins and chemicals... and there have been a couple studies that toxins and chemicals are part of PCOS...so.. what would it hurt?! After all I did lose this cycle round. Might as well!  Hal is doing it with me. There have been amazing results on it! Lowered Cholesterol, weight loss, even cellulite removal!!! It's from all the toxins! The pollution in the air, the detergent in our laundry, processed foods etc!   All the toxins who happily stay put in our bodies! I am stoked for my results and shockingly the food tastes amazing!  You can't really exercise on this so that's good considering I got the restraint! check it out! www.myultimatereset.com/fitnessfourlife

So my patience needs to be high, the wait for this is going to seem like forever, although May is a super busy month... when you go through infertility it's like being a kid waiting for your birthday. No Joke.

That's all for now! Good Night!

Etiquette- Do's & Don'ts & a look inside PCOS emotions

Here is some thoughts to read on if you THINK you understand Infertility but YOU DONT suffer from it!

Infertility Etiquette

Read and DO!

And please next time you judge that fat girl laced with acne on her face, hair falling out, and if you get close enough to see facial hair WATCH yourself- Those are ALL part of this NASTY disease that THEY CANNOT HELP!!!   It's all in the hormone mix!

do you want to understand what a girl with PCOS deals with?! Do you want to see how painful it is?

Watch this.....  copy & paste the link!

http://youtu.be/rM4nIYvZ7sU

This is exactly what its like.... a roller coaster that we can only one day hope ends happy & soon!


That's all for today!

Meet Hal & Lyndsi

Hi!

My name is Lyndsi and I will be writing most of this blog. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. I hope at the least this helps someone going through infertility struggles. I will likely have positive & negative involved trying to be as real as I can be with this experience to maybe just help one other person. I am 30 years old living my dream life married to my bff, working as a fitness coach and independent distributor for Beachbody. I love fitness and health. It's my passion. I lost over 70lbs, 15% bodyfat, and 10 jean sizes the year before I got married! There is nothing like working super hard to lose weight and get in shape! I swear it was the hardest journey in my life! Little did I know what was truly headed my way.

Hal, 31 years old works as a project manager for construction firm and was on board with me getting involved in the fitness world after we got married because it keeps me making an income but working from home which was perfect because we had it set in our minds that I would stay home with our future children.

I have looked forward to that part of life, being a mom, having a little family. The holidays and the excited look on the my kids faces. Spending time at the zoo, playing with play dough, even dealing with spit up! I've been pretty stoked about it all.

Hal and I decided to start our family growing in February 2011. It was a good time to start. I was in a wedding and did not want to ruin that day by having a large belly or being due at the time so we postponed until it was almost time for that day. I focused on my business and my fitness of course.

The time came and went, it was 4th of July weekend and I was VERY late so we were thrilled to check out a pregnancy test, only to find the test came up negative. Super confused and disappointed I knew something was not right. I wasn't up to share anything yet at the time with family or friends. It is nice to have something with your spouse before you have it with your family and friends. I wanted to surprise the families, as did he.

So I started off on my quest to figure out what exactly the deal was. I went to my regular OB/GYN doc, and got told that I am too stressed out and that is why my cycles are long. I was told my thyroid was fine and to come back in March 2012 if no baby is growing by then.

I found that to be unacceptable since we were 6 months into TTC. One of the my co-workers was talking to me about a fitness course we were getting certified for and I was suppose to get on a plane to Nashville to go to this training. I cancelled the trip and explained to her what was going on, she offered her best advice which is going out and getting a BBT and start temping every morning. I also learned about the book 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' so I got it and began to read. It helped open up my eyes to HOW much science goes into having a baby- how big of a miracle this really is, and how you have to find the right timing. Made me question how is it possible for SO many teens to land on this small percentage of time and get pregnant?! CRAZY!

I finished the book rather quick so I could understand how natural birth control works, and how to temp and naturally make a baby. I was convinced I had this all figured out, so the charting of my temps began in August 2011.

I also had asked one of my friends a bit about it, as she is a doctor and thought she might have some input for me as well as, just having a friend to talk to was helpful. She referred me to an Infertility Specialist in the Lombard area, whom if you are reading and need help please contact him. He is AMAZING! Dr. Andrew Roth- Lombard, IL

I'm 30, so naturally I was being told DAILY announcements of people getting pregnant, having babies, growing their family like it's nothing. It was hard to handle because all I did was beat myself up for not having started this a long time ago. I did have a small dream that I wanted a baby on the way or here by 30, and I was FAST approaching 30 years old.

I kept plugging away at the temps and focusing on the key pieces you have to find in order to know when you are fertile. Day 40 approached and I was looking at my temps on the chart and realized here we were again, a super LONG cycle, and no ovulation showing... it was up and down temps all over the place. What I should have seen was low temps until ovulation, then a big spike for the next 2 weeks of temps.

My appt with Dr Roth was scheduled for September 13th- I walked in nervously reading 'Infertility Specialist' on his door 'High Risk Pregnancy' and my heart was pounding. I was thinking, 'I'm just here for a 2nd opinion. I really dont have infertility problems'

The day before I saw Dr Roth, my dermatologist suggested I get my hormones checked out, get bloodwork done because my face would not stop breaking out and we had tried EVERYTHING under the sun to clear it up. I was getting SHOTS in my FACE at this point to help clear up my face.

Dr. Roth agreed to draw blood for my hormone checks the first day I met him.

It was real cool because with Dr. Roth you can go into his office, sit in front of his desk and talk to him about your life, your health, and ask all the questions in the world. THEN you have examinations, blood drawn, monitoring etc

I left thinking okay regardless of him having the words 'Infertility Specialist' on his door, I think I'd like to stick with this doctor.

I continued with temp charting and began to read up on a disease called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I matched quite a few symptoms... Acne, Facial Hair, overweight, depression, all of those matched me. After all I did work SUPER hard to lose over 70lbs just a couple years prior to this. BUT I had no cysts. I recall going in for regular check ups, and ultrasounds when I'd fell any pain and never ever found anything. My cycles were like clockwork, always on time if not a day or 2 behind. So I wasn't convinced I had PCOS.

Sure enough Dr. Roth called and confirmed it, 'You have PCOS- I'd like you to come in for the insulin test'

The majority of PCOS ladies are IR- insulin resistant. They are given a specific drug MetFormin which helps with diabetes, and weight loss believe it or not. Many PCOS women need this drug to lose weight. Now I fully believe in a good healthy nutritional balanced diet and good exercise to lose weight & maintain. More on PCOS in a minute or the next post.

September 19th I got a call to find out if I was IR or not. Well much to my surprise not only was I NOT insulin resistant but I was actually pregnant. My HCG level was at 11 and Progesterone at 4.6, which the doctor was convinced I'd have a miscarriage.

This started the rollercoaster of will the baby stay or not. At this point both our parents were aware that something was going on and I was seeing a fertility specialist. They also knew there was a baby with a potential m/c about to take place.

I'd be in the doctors office EVERY other day for bloodwork to see if my levels would rise. For the next couple weeks they continue to rise, and he was almost convinced this baby was going to stay put.

I was scheduled to be in Orange County for Beachbody's Leadership Conference Weekend in October. Hal was in Kansas City on business for the week, and his mom was in town visiting us. It was the craziest timing ever, but October 13th, I was all packed and ready to head out to Orange County the next day, and Dr Roth CALLED ME! It's NEVER good when the doctor calls YOU with updates. Sure enough the levels had dropped and the baby was about to miscarry.

My battle with God began, 'WHY ME?!' 'WHY this timing?' 'WHY WHY WHY' My anger level rose. I was falling into a depression that is hard to describe. I could barely listen to the next steps from the doctor.

He was convinced that all I needed was some medicine and I'd be on my way to mommyhood.

Boy, did we all have any clue how much of a bumpy road was ahead.